Anxiety is high

I am happy to say that as of a few days ago my anxiety over my eyes is done for now. I still do have an appointment later in the month but I have let my mind stop obsessing over it. I'm so happy about this and felt greatly relieved until other obsessions kicked in. I've just felt more stress lately and it makes my OCD worse for sure. I obsess about one thing and then it moves on to another.
Yesterday my husband had to change our brakes. I don't like it because I've read that brake pads can contain asbestos. I really don't like that he has to use brake fluid. It was challenging to wash his clothes last night and I was only worried about the paint on his shirt from painting the outside of the house. I forgot about the brake fluid. So now I have that to OCD about. I ran and wasted two load of hot water and soap throught the washing machine last night after taking his clothes out. I found two little pieces in his pocket and he said they were from the car. Oh great. I always need to check pockets but I don't. I'm afraid to put my hands in there. I now feel like I need to wash out the dryer with paper towels and soap. I don't feel like this will fully get it cleaned. I have a fear of my children's clothes especially getting contaminated with chemicals. I think this way because I have OCD. Maybe I know this is outrageous but I can't convince myself because I want one hundred percent certainty. I will never get this here in this world. I need to accept it but my OCD sure fights against it. I am dealing with so many chemical obsessions right now. Here I am awake very early and my muscles are tight and I am thinking about stupid things that are of no importance.
I think I need to go and take an ibuprofen and I'll go back to bed for a while and rest before the day begins.

OCD overload

Oh, what a day! Yes, it's good because God is good and has given me this day. When it comes to OCD though it's been challenging. I am babysitting as I usually do. My nephew is four. We went outside to play today and were not out there very long because he stepped in some unknown substance. There is something all over the road in our cul-du-sac. I asked the neighbor if they knew what it was and they think it's motor oil. Someone put kitty litter on it but I don't know what happened because there is a stream that covers the road. There's an area with the kitty litter on it that turned into this thick nasty creamy substance. My nephew of all places decided to walk through the middle of it with his toy car we have for him. The wheels got covered and so did his shoes. It somehow got on his legs too. I went inside and got on a pair of latex gloves and came out and took off his shoes and put them in a plastic bag and took off his socks. I got papertowels with soapy water to clean off his legs. He managed to get some on his shorts so I had to change those. My OCD was high. It's like at that moment I want to start swearing and I don't swear. I feel so angry and overwhelmed in the height of the OCD moment. I don't do anything to show my anger but just feel this overwheming feeling of just wanting to run and quit and escape.
I'm feeling better now, but I still have that "on edge" feeling. It's that feeling where I could sure use a clonazapam but I haven't taken those for quite a while now. I don't want to if I can help it.
So goes it, this day in the life with OCD.

Yesterday was a hard day

I've had some pretty good days lately. Yesterday, the stress levels were high with OCD in full force. My day started with going to get groceries. I had got into a line to pay when I realized when I went through that particular cashiers line before she had several bandaids on each hand. I looked at her hands and she had a bandaid on her finger. It was too late to back out since there wasn't anyone in line in front of me. I thought about saying I forgot to get something and back out but I didn't. That started a hard day. I came home and washed alot of the outside packages of food and put some things in different bags from home. That went on all day and even into this morning.I didn't throw anything away though.

I then went to the pet store to get shampoo for my dog. I have gone to so many stores to get her shampoo and haven't been able to get it because it is placed by flea products. I don't use any flea products on my dog and she doesn't have fleas. She has had them but I then have to comb her out and bathe her until I get rid of them. I have put flea stuff on her and I can't stand it. Then I don't want to pet her or my children to touch her. One time I was putting the flea stuff on her and some got on my finger. That was so not cool. I look back on it now though sometimes to help get me through other things. If I got that on me and I survived then I guess I'll be okay. Anyway, back to the subject I was on. I got some shampoo but then I got home and realized it was an odor control shampoo. It had some ingredient in it that was going to bother me. I didn't try to buy that type of shampoo. I went back to return it and the lady talked me into getting another kind that I should not have got because below it on the shelf which had some small holes in the shelf was a spray bottle of flea and tick insecticide. So for me that means that somehow vapors will escape from that bottle and get on the shampoo that sat right above it. If it doesn't somehow get inside it will get on the outside of the bottle. I don't know why I even got it. I guess I thought I could handle it. I should know myself better by now. Now it sits in the garage a $7.99 bottle of shampoo that costs way more than the shampoo I buy for myself. I probably will just throw it away. I thought maybe I could pour it out into a different empty bottle but I just don't know. I don't even want to deal with it now. I was so exhausted by the end of the night. It's amazing how OCD can really wear a person out. I am trying to take it easy today and I am just staying home and relaxing.

Another day in OCD land

Usually, I wouldn't even post on a day like today. I think you might know by the date. I usually avoid any appointment or anything that could be recorded on paper on this day. I don't like the number. I don't make any major purchase on days of this number. It's not that I really believe the superstions but I don't want to take a chance. OCD rears it's ugly head on it.
I am tired and irritable today. I have been tired this whole week especially in the afternoon. It might be because we have to get up early again now that school is back in session.
So, a few things happened today that my OCD didn't like. I went to target which I don't think I'm going to go there for a while because I'm really annoyed with them trying to shove their dumb 5% savings credit card on me. One girl made me feel violated last time. I wished I had said something to her. She's like may I ask why you wouldn't want to save blah, blah, and I said I don't want any more cards and she's like it's just like a debit card well I guess she didn't get it because she obviously doesn't care about me saving money anyway she just wants whatever she gets out of it for herself. I don't like having to listen to it every time I go there. Anyway, I bought some dishwasher detergent and then I noticed afterward before I left it had some dirty gunk on the outside of it. I was going to just take it home but I decided I don't have time to deal with this so I went back in and returned it. That lady made me feel like I was an idiot. I guess I should have said I don't want it because it is dirty but I said I got the wrong kind. Doesn't that ever happen?   Then she said in a snotty tone, "You got the wrong kind?" Then she even said it again. I said yeah I guess I should pay better attention next time and I apologized which I shouldn't have. So, I was irked about that. I guess I should have been snotty back but that's just not me. I don't want to be like that anyway. It's ugly. I like to be nice.
Oh ya, the other thing that happened but I stopped at the bank and noticed they had de-icer sprayed on the parking lot. I was fine with walking on it but then on the way back I notice my pant leg was touching the ground. Great!  Usually I would throw them away but I can't since I only have a couple pairs of jeans. Now, I'm going to have to wash them several times in hot water and then run an empty load to clean the washer which will still feel contaminated. Then I will feel like I am contaminating the dryer by putting them in there. If it was just me it might be easier but I feel like I am contaminating everyone's clothes in the house. I want to take a nap, but I am babysitting today and he is pushing my buttons. They seem to know when your day isn't the greatest. It's probably the way I react though.

Jittery, out of sorts, noise sensitivity

I always have a sensitivity to noises like extreme compared to most people. I think it has something to do with OCD. Today has just been one of those days I woke up and I am moody and just don't feel quite right which to a degree I'm used to. I  have felt like this lots but it's just one of those days. I dislike feeling this way. To top it off I'm again feeling the anxiety about the stupid antifreeze. I went outside and saw my husband pouring water out in the flowerbed from a two liter pepsi bottle. I thought he must have added antifreeze to his car because no one knows how the pepsi bottle got in the garage filled with water. He says he did not put antifreeze in his car but I know he wouldn't say he did because I'd have an OCD meltdown. I'm having one anyway. Now, I don't want to go out to the garage for a while. I'll have to put a stupid rubber glove on the door handle just to go out to the garage to put some recycling out there. Nice. I'm just in the middle of an OCD moment. That sounds like it should be a song.

Fear will knock you down

I have a problem and the problem is obviously OCD but I am afraid. I am very afraid. I live a life full of fear. I am a believer of the almighty God and he tells me DO NOT FEAR but I do. My life is getting scarier by the day. I am allowing it to happen. I am starting to think the ERP might be helpful. I was to afraid to think about it or contemplate it before. It's just always something getting in the way of me living a normal life. I found this job that sounds perfect for me but I'm afraid to apply because it's in a house that was built in the 1890's and that probably means asbestos somewhere. This morning I went outside and I had stupidly parked my husband's car in the driveway since he used mine to go out of town this weekend. Now, there is a wet circle of antifreeze? I don't know what it is but I don't like it. It probably is antifreeze since it was leaking it before but my husband had said it wasn't leaking anymore so I parked it in the driveway. Now I have that to deal with. I'm just a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I always sound like a wreak on here but that's because this is my place for that. My venting place. I try to hide this from other people except my husband and parents which I try but can't seem to. I'm afraid to live. I want to live and have a fun life. My life is not much fun these days. Yes, I have happy moments but I have alot of wasted time and worry in my life because of OCD. Again, this is not a place to feel sorry for me because that's not my reason for writing. Support is always good. I am trying to make and effort to comment on your blogs because I know you need support too but OCD stops me from that alot too.

I had to take my car the the auto shop today. Not something I was looking forward to. I talked about how my husband was going to work on my brakes but he said he didn't want to deal with it if it was going to bother me so much. I had some other stuff going on with it and I needed an oil change too. I don't like taking it there because I am afraid they may have gotton chemicals on my steering wheel, keys, etc. I cleaned it off and wore some rubber gloves on my way home. I had a new key chain I used because I just recently found it laying around in my house and when I wiped it off after the mechanics it had some dirt on it. I don't know what it was. Does anyone else have such issues with chemicals as I do. I know I remember a fellow blogger saying they had issues with taking their car to the mechanics. I was just wondering because it seems like alot of you don't have issues with chemicals. I know a few of you do. It makes everyday life quite difficult. What do you do to feel safe? I just don't know.

Some good and then some more issues coming soon

I have been doing pretty good lately.  I bought my candle making kit and I have made candles. I even  made some today. The scent fills my whole garage and stays there for quite a while which most people would like but of course I want fresh air. I am proud of myself for following through with a dream I had and not freaking out about it. My goal is to sell candles on etsy and our town's farmers market. They have actually tu rned out pretty nice. It makes me excited that I can do something creative and for myself.
This weekend we got our Christmas tree. We go to a farm and cut it ourselves. I was really not looking forward to it because all our Christmas decorations were near where the antifreeze was living. I wanted to get all new decorations but I knew that wasn't possible. I brought the boxes in and put the lights on the tree. I let my daughter put the ornaments on since she wanted too. I didn't freak out. I still don't want to use the stockings though but we shall see what becomes of that.
I even went into a Goodwill store and looked around the other day which I do not like used stuff because I don't know where it's been or what it's been used for or whatever. It smells weird in there too. Anyway, me and my daughter were laughing so hard in there looking at some of the silly knick knacks.
I had to try to control my laughter because I thought people might wonder if I was drunk which I don't drink so I couldn't have been. I touched a few things too and thought that's a bit of an exposure.
Now, tomorrow I'm dreading because my husband changes our brakes himself. It saves us a bunch money. Well, I used to not like it because the brake pads contain asbestos but now I learned he uses brake fluid too. I never made the connection and asked why he had brake fluid in the garage. Last time he changed the brakes he brought different clothes to wear just for me and left them at his mom's and she said she would wash them at her house which was nice. Now that the brake fluid is in the mix it really makes my OCD flair up. Then the thought of him touching stuff and my steering wheel afterward and coming home and touching stuff because his hands might be contaminated. I'd rather pay almost $300.00 to have a place do it instead of $50.00 but then I wonder if they get any on their hands and touch my steering wheel or keys.  It's just so unpleasant. I have already been to Les Schwab two times last week. I had to get a new car battery and then my husband said my back tire looked low so I took it there to get my tires checked and rotated. I had a nail in my tire and then they informed me about my brakes. My car is also making a loud sound that I think is a fan belt so I'll have to see about that too.
I really just want things to be easy. I get worn down with all of this. It's just always something. The ebbs and flows of life and the many more irrational struggles with OCD.

I make myself sick

Here I am typing with my ridiculous rubber gloves on. I don't know why it seems like my contamination fears of chemicals is getting so much worse lately. I just took the garbage can out to the curb with my rubber glove on and I had a plastic grocery bag but I didn't use it and then I tried to throw it in the garbage but it blew out and I had to pick it up and touch the lid fearing the contamination of the hook in there that we used to transport the antifreeze. I took the garbage out because I knew if my husband did it he wouldn't be wearing gloves.
Yesterday, I had to deal with battery contamination issues. I was at the store and when I got in my car it wouldn't start. I had to get a new battery. The guy who was helping me, his hands were all dirty to start from working. I was afraid that I got battery acid on my keys and car. I had to go home and clean it all off.
I just don't know what the deal is here. I don't know if I need more medication or what is going on. I feel like I did when I wasn't taking any.

Thankfulness and update on antifreeze

Before I write about what I was going to write about I want to say some things I am thankful for since it is Thanksgiving this week and I'm usually complaining about OCD issues on here because that is what this blog is all about.
I want to thank God for without him I could do nothing. I am thankful for my husband and my children. I am thankful for a warm house, food, and clothes. I am thankful for all of you. I hope you all have a very happy Thanksgiving and find many reasons to give thanks. With that being said onto the nitty gritty of OCD.

If  you have been reading the last few posts, I have been having issues with some antifreeze that has been sitting in my garage. Yesterday, I decided this is enough. I can't take it being in there anymore. I went out to my shed and got some tools and things that I didn't want to get contaminated and brought them into the garage. I was in a dilemma over what to do with the lawn mower though. I didn't want the handle getting contaminated. I did the best I could and covered it with a pool air mattress we don't use. It will have to do because I don't want the lawn mower in my garage because it will smell like gasoline. I went and got on my rubber gloves and found a hook used to hang a shelf up that we didn't need. I told my husband I needed him to help me with something. I told him I wanted him to put on gloves and pick up the antifreeze with the hook and take it to the shed. I had to follow him to make sure he did it right. So, it is out of my garage. I am a bit bothered by the hook he used sitting in my garbage can. I should have had him put it in plastic bag. I did take a bag of garbage out today but I lifted the lid with a plastic bag and threw it in. The lid didn't close all the way so I hope nothing spreads to the outside of my garbage can. This is where I know it sounds a bit over the top and bizarre when I'm writing it, but that's just how OCD plays tricks on me. I know I probably did not handle it the right way by moving the antifreeze to the shed because it's still there and I can forget about it for a while but the issue is still there. I know I should have let my husband just pick up the bottle and take it to the shed without gloves and a hook like a normal person would do but it is what it is. I don't usually make him participate in the rituals but I just didn't know what else to do. I wasn't strong enough. I really like reading comments from anyone that has anything to say or your opinions. It really does help me. Reassurance actually puts a stop to some of my obsessions instead of making them stronger which is usually typical for most people with OCD. God bless you. 

Overwhelmed

It's early on Thursday morning. I still have not found peace about the antifreeze in my garage. It's just bugging the heck out of me. I have felt so much stress from this. I am a bundle of nerves wound up tight and my back muscles are aching. I felt so exhausted in a different way than usual at the end of the day yesterday. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I hate feeling this way. I am going to take a clonazepam this morning so I hopefully can feel some relief. It won't take it away though. I'm just really wanting to know what you would do if you were me? If you aren't sure what I'm talking about, the post just before this one is what it's about. I giggled when talking about it on the phone but it's not funny at all. It's is causing so much strife and here we go again this dance with this dreaded OCD. Please tell me your opinions I need them. Thank You.

Now it's waking me up!

Yes, indeed last night I had a bad dream that involved the much hated ANTIFREEZE that is in my garage.
This morning I woke up around 4:00 a.m. thinking about it and trying to put together a plan of how I'm going to get rid of it. There is also brake fluid out there but antifreeze is bugging me most.  I know to people who don't have OCD this seems so silly. I told my husband it's like theres a monster in the garage when I was trying to explain to him how it makes me feel. He told me there's no such thing as monsters. It's really hard for him to understand my point of view. I told him I get really mad at him when he brings chemicals home when he knows how I feel about them. He said he has to because we can't afford to take the car in to do some things like get the brakes changed or adding antifreeze or whatever. I appreciate him trying to help but I told him it probably costs us more in the long run from the turmoil it causes. He said he will have to get another job then so we can afford to take it somewhere. I know he won't do that and I don't want him to. I told him I could pay his brother and to come get the chemicals and take them to the hazardous waste facility or ask his dad. He didn't respond except explained why he had the chemicals. I don't want my husband to handle the chemicals or put them in his car. It will bother me even if he wears gloves. I'm so afraid of him getting the chemicals on him and bringing them into our home. I now am fearful that things I have stored  in our garage our contaminated. Our Christmas decorations are not sitting far from the antifreeze and I don't know if I'll be able to use them. He said he guesses we won't be decorating for Christmas then. He always tells me I'm getting worse (my OCD) I'm pretty sure I'm not getting WORSE. It's just a viscious cycle. I shame myself and let myself get walked on sometimes because of OCD. It's like this mind set of letting my husband get away with certain comments or behaviors and feeling like I deserve it because of what he has to put up with me and my OCD. I tell him I can't help it. I know I can do things like exposures but I have done that and it just doesn't seem worth it to me for all that it puts me through. It doesn't seem like it really helps and then I almost can't function because I'm freaking out. I wish chemicals didn't bother me. I know people that don't have OCD probably think GET OVER IT. I would if I could. I am refraining from taking a clonazepam. I haven't taken one to help calm me in several weeks. I want to try to feel the fear and accept it and try to go on. It 's just the antifreeze won't leave me alone. I fear it causing harm and coming in through the heater into the house. I have been leaving my garage door open or cracked during the day.

Stuck in a rut with contamination

It seems like everywhere I go shopping lately almost all the cashiers that ring my stuff up have a bandaid on their finger. I know it's probably going to keep happening until I just don't care but I don't know if that'll happen. I threw away a 2 lb. coho salmon last week. I went to the fish market and the lady behind the counter was chatting at the register when I got there. She didn't wash her hands before getting the salmon. She took a plastic square thing and grabbed it and then she put a couple sheets of it on the scale which she got her germs on. She also had a small scab on the outside of her hand. I thought I'd be fine with it but I worried about it the whole evening and next day and then decided just to throw it away. What a waste of $20.00.  Today I went to get a new purse since mine is literally falling apart. The women who rang it up had the end of her thumb wrapped with white tape. I really want to use the purse because I need it and I don't want to return it. I had a hard enough time choosing it. It is my basic black of course. I can't get myself to buy one with that silica gel packet stuff they put in them and I found one that doesn't have it. I made sure I looked inside and made sure no one put any garbage in it or anything. I always check the stuff I buy for blood or any stains or whatever I'm looking for. Now, I feel like my purse it contaminated though. OCD can really take up so much time. Things other normal people just don't even think about. I also threw away a whole bag of frozen broccoli this week because when I was cooking it I noticed a browinsh spot on a piece and was afraid it might be blood. I know I can't just keep throwing stuff away.

Camping in the rain

I just got home from camping today. It was a weekend at the beach in the rain. It was okay but I came home today and was very cranky. I don't like feeling that way. It's always good to get home. Now I have lots of laundry to do and stuff to put away. I had to give the dog a bath as she was a very dirty dog.
I had a few OCD contamination issues to deal with. One day we were taking a walk to the beach and at the beginning of the trail was a big bandaid. Oh, how they know how to find me. The next day we were taking a walk and my mother-in-law was looking at mushrooms and taking pictures of them. My father-in-law was moving stuff off of mushrooms to look at them. On our way back I ran into a patch of mushrooms and I don't know if I stepped on any. I don't like wild mushrooms because they are poisonous.  I waste so many shoes. That got me into my OCD mode. Oh ya not to forget that a racoon got into our cooler at night and ate a bunch of stuff. We haven't had an animal get into our cooler before. Whoa is me.

Chemicals make me anxious

It's like being poked and prodded and never giving up. Chemicals are brought into my world even though I don't want them to be there. I ask for them not to enter my home but sometimes they do. Antifreeze has been lurking in my garage and it wakes me up and it bothers me. I crack my garage to let in fresh air even though I can't smell it. I fear it entering in my home through vapors getting sucked through my furnace. Oh, how it loves to torture me. I get mad wondering why this had to be brought here but it entered because other people do not think the same way I do. They can't. I can explain my reasons and they can get a small grasp but it's not in the same way as me. My mind works differently, yes indeed. I know God created me in his image and he made me just how he wanted me to be. I have to embrace that even though sometimes it's hard and I may not understand. I know I am fortunate for what I have been given. 

Today started off with a whoot

Now feeling a little sickish and very OCDish. Are repair people suppose to ask if they can use your bathroom in your house?  I could have said no, but I said he could because I would feel rude if I said no. I guess I should have said umm...it's broken or something. I'm not good at coming up with quick excuses like that. I had to sanitize my bathroom with my seventh generation cleaner. I hope that's enough to do it. I'd use bleach except I'm afraid of it. What's a girl to do? 
I have been feeling a little on edge the past few days as I was trying out a vegan diet. Oh my goodness is it ever hard and confusing when you have know nothing but meat and dairy products. I have tried not eating meat before and I don't mind it too much but the dairy thing is like way hard. My daughters' tummy gets upset from dairy and I just thought we'd go full circle and jump on the vegan train. Just not working out too good. It's hard enough trying to figure out what to feed your family every day and then add that and WOW it's even harder and more stressful.
That's my venting for the day.

Need to vent with my ocd homies

Just a short vent as I said nothing exciting but it's really bothering me right now. I have gone to three stores today to buy needed things and mostly groceries for a camping trip that will be a week long. I am completely exhausted and have been driving and running around since 8:30 a.m. It is now 4:00 p.m. and I'm going to leave again shortly to take my daughter to soccer practice out in the country. So on with my OCD issue. My last stop at the grocery store is what caused it. I noticed as the cashier was almost done ringing up my stuff that the lady behind me had DRANO. It was separated by the little plastic bar and my then my turkey sausage for camping. The cashier put my sausage in with my hot dogs and lunch meat. Now I'm thinking I really want to return it. I usually would just throw it away but it is such a waste of money. What should I do?

Anyone have any advice? I think I can guess the answer. Thanks for enduring the venting. Oh, so anyway the problem is that I'm worried that the drano could have contaminated my food and me and my family will get poisoned if we eat it. Ooh, it's that uncomfortable feeling that I hate. It's called OCD.

Our mini-vacation

On memorial day weekend we had to go out of town for a baseball tournament. It was to a place we used to go for vacation when I worked and we had more money. I rented a townhouse for our family because I do not like being stuck in a hotel room. This is the story of our vacation.
When we arrived at the townhome I went upstairs because there was a closet with some games in it. My daughter was looking at them. I first thing I noticed that I didn't like was they had paint cans stored in there. That was nothing compared to what I noticed next and obsessed about until our last day there. The water heater was in that closet too. I noticed white junk which was corrosion because it was leaking. That was not cool. The thing that really got my OCD going was the insulation wrapped around it. It had the pink stuff sticking out around the top and I am afraid of that stuff. I am afraid of breathing in stuff that might harm me. So, then I had to call the owner to tell her about the leak. It turns out a plumber had to come out and the water heater had to be replaced. I was not happy about this. I was freaked out because I was imagining all the fiberglass particles that would get all through the home while the plumber had to take it out and bring it down the stairs. I wouldn't vacuum though because that might stir it up more. We were gone at games the whole day so it was probably good we weren't there most of that day. There is something that made me stop worrying about all this and it's crazy. I was watching a show on HGTV and there was a women remodeling her vacation home. Hmm...What do ya know. There was exposed insulation on all the walls of the room she was in. My husband thought oh great but I said yes it is because I can laugh and feel good about this whole situation because the lady was pregnant too. She didn't care about the insulation. She was even painting. It's amazing how a silly show can snap me out of it. I did find a red smudge that looked like blood on the bathroom wall too. I took a wood boat decoration they had on the counter and put it against it to cover it up. I also found something crusty on my comforter on my bed. I took it off and tried to shove it in the washing machine but it wouldn't fit. Obviously, they don't wash them much if it doesn't even fit in the washer. I took it and shoved it in the closed and found a different covering for the bed. Wow, I sure know how to make my life complicated.

A very challenging day

It seems like my OCD is going crazy now because of all the stressful events in the last few weeks. I started feeling like I was hyperventilating last night and my breathing is not natural today. Today has been a wasted day. I looked on the computer to try and find some recipes and then I went to Trader Joes which is about 15 minutes from my house. I usually go to Fred Meyers which is about 5 minutes from my house. I got about $70 worth of groceries but now I don't even want them. The cashier was a woman and I'm being OCD here by thinking she looks manly and must be gay. She had on a wedding ring but that doesn't mean anything. The big problem was she had a bandage on her thumb and that did me in. I should've just ran out of there or made up some exuse but instead I got it. I wasn't in her line but she took me over to her line. I came home and I washed off all my groceries with soap and water. I still don't feel better. I threw about a bag of pre-cut apples because I was trying to transfer them to a big ziplock bag and I thought some touched the outside of the contaminated bag and then I just threw them all away. What a waste of money. I called to see if I could drop off some of my food at a food donation site but no one answered the phone.
I went into another store just to get some cereal and they must have spilled bleach in there because it was strong and then I had to leave because I didn't want to breathe it in and I didn't want to buy the cereal there.
I also got some books on amazon to read more about OCD and one of the books had something on it. I thought it was just part of the book but when I rubbed it, it came off. I was going to return the books but I don't know if I will. I'll have to pay for the shipping since it's not their fault.
I feel so guilty because my husband is working late tonight for overtime and now I'm doing all the garbage with wasting money because of this stupid OCD.

OCD you are being a pest(icide)!

This last week has been spring break. Everything has gone pretty smoothly. We have stayed busy.We have gone bowling, to play video games, roller skating and to a movie. We did go mini-golfing and of course their was some sort of weed sprinkle stuff on the barkdust and my ball kept going straight for it. I got a kleenex out of my purse and picked it up with that. My kids were laughing at me and my husband thought oh wow she's crazy. I decided to throw the kleenex away after my kids were picking up their contaminated golf balls. I touched mine. I did not want to but I did. We went to the restroom and washed our hands before we left.

I babysit my nephew two days a week. My sister puts an ant trap outside her apartment door. I've always had a small issue with his shoes thinking there is a residue of that on his shoes. She told me the other day she put some ant strip thing in her bedroom becasue she found ants in there. I don't know why people have to tell me when they use poison because they know it bothers me. She has OCD too but the poisons don't bother her. She called me this morning to ask me if I could give her a haircut. I told her I wasn't going to be able to today. I really don't want to touch her hair because I am afraid of the contamination from the ant strips. I just can't deal with it today. Some things I do just avoid because it's much easier than putting myself through what comes afterword. My hair cutting tools will be contaminated and me and I just can't do it. People, don't tell me things about the poisons and chemicals you use. My mother-in-law always does this too. She knows how much it bothers me but yet she can't help but tell me when she has used a pesticide or something. I don't get it. I feel bad for not cutting my sister's hair but you know I do alot for the people in my life and there's just some things I can't do because I'm not responsible for everyone. I haven't even had my hair cut for over a year except by my self. She only likes me to cut it for her. I was a professional hairstylist way back when but I just do my families hair now. That's a whole other story in itself.