It seems like my OCD is going crazy now because of all the stressful events in the last few weeks. I started feeling like I was hyperventilating last night and my breathing is not natural today. Today has been a wasted day. I looked on the computer to try and find some recipes and then I went to Trader Joes which is about 15 minutes from my house. I usually go to Fred Meyers which is about 5 minutes from my house. I got about $70 worth of groceries but now I don't even want them. The cashier was a woman and I'm being OCD here by thinking she looks manly and must be gay. She had on a wedding ring but that doesn't mean anything. The big problem was she had a bandage on her thumb and that did me in. I should've just ran out of there or made up some exuse but instead I got it. I wasn't in her line but she took me over to her line. I came home and I washed off all my groceries with soap and water. I still don't feel better. I threw about a bag of pre-cut apples because I was trying to transfer them to a big ziplock bag and I thought some touched the outside of the contaminated bag and then I just threw them all away. What a waste of money. I called to see if I could drop off some of my food at a food donation site but no one answered the phone.
I went into another store just to get some cereal and they must have spilled bleach in there because it was strong and then I had to leave because I didn't want to breathe it in and I didn't want to buy the cereal there.
I also got some books on amazon to read more about OCD and one of the books had something on it. I thought it was just part of the book but when I rubbed it, it came off. I was going to return the books but I don't know if I will. I'll have to pay for the shipping since it's not their fault.
I feel so guilty because my husband is working late tonight for overtime and now I'm doing all the garbage with wasting money because of this stupid OCD.
I went into another store just to get some cereal and they must have spilled bleach in there because it was strong and then I had to leave because I didn't want to breathe it in and I didn't want to buy the cereal there.
I also got some books on amazon to read more about OCD and one of the books had something on it. I thought it was just part of the book but when I rubbed it, it came off. I was going to return the books but I don't know if I will. I'll have to pay for the shipping since it's not their fault.
I feel so guilty because my husband is working late tonight for overtime and now I'm doing all the garbage with wasting money because of this stupid OCD.
I'm sorry you had a bad day. I like to find a lane with a woman checking out, and I wouldn't like to see a bandaid either, but my contamination issues aren't that strong. Maybe in a few days your food will be acceptable? I hope your day gets better.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds an awful lot like me 4 years ago when I was at my worst. I am so sorry you're dealing with all the stress, anxiety, and guilt that goes along with the OCD. I'll be praying for you Kim. Be strong. And if you can't be strong, have a good cry. That always helps. lol.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had a rough day. Sounds like you're going through a hard time in general right now.
ReplyDeleteSomebody gave me some good advice, which they weren't thinking of in terms of OCD but it helped me. They were actually talking about how tough the Navy Seals training program was, and how so many people quit because they were looking ahead and thinking, "I can't make it through that test or that course, or whatever." He said the ones who take it one day at a time are the ones who get through.
So when I'm going through a particularly rough spot, that's what I do. I tell myself not to think about how I'm going to do this or how I'm affecting other people. I just tell myself I can get through today. And you know something? I always do!
Hope things get better soon. Best of luck to you!