Yes, really, another run in with bandaids this morning as I was getting my groceries rung up at the store. I think the cashier had a couple on each hand. I didn't throw my groceries away today but I had to clean off the outsides of the containers with soap and some things that were in boxes I took out and put into another bag. It sucks. My fear is a fear of getting AIDS. This is a real fear that people with OCD live with. It is so real to me that it feels like this itch that won't go away and leave me alone. Right now I feel very uncomfortable. I could feel comfortable if I threw my groceries away. I can't always do that because we are a one income family and money is very scarce right now. I would feel bad about doing that and I know it's not rational. I try to rationalize by thinking hmm...how many other people have touched this before it got to this store and after? How many people have touched my produce with their grubby hands before I touched it? I'm sure it's alot of people, and I'm sure I'd be OCDing out of control if I knew. I just try to make myself feel better about the current situation but, I guess I have eaten groceries all my life and I think I'm okay. I get so mad and just want to pound my fist because I hate feeling this way. It is an awful feeling when you think you could harm your family by bring contaminated food into the house. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Again, these posts are not to make anyone feel sorry for me. It's my way of helping release what is going on in this mind of mine.
I agree - writing about it helps to ease the stress. Keep writing. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad writing helps you, and you help others by showing what it is like to live with OCD.
ReplyDeleteI also started blogging to alleviate some of the stress caused by my OCD, and to share my thoughts and feelings on this subject with other sufferers.
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to what you say about wanting to pound your fist as I often get intensely frustrated and angry at the way OCD makes me feel and the compulsions I feel that I need to perform.
I am sooo glad to have found this blog of yours, and further more sooo happy someone is goign through what I am going through and have been for a good part of my life so far... It is really really a challenge... For example the other day I went to the mall with my wife and we bought some clothing for sale... we also got my mom a shirt as it was so cheap... When we went to check out though that is when I Saw the cashier who has a bandaid in his hand... my fear is:
ReplyDeleteWhen he was folding them each piece touched his bandaid... my fear is what if when he washed his hand water got in the wound thus water kinda spread the blood to the other part of his hand and thus touched the clothing when he rang it out...
From there I was very very afraid of the items... tried to confort myself by sayiing it is fine... my wife also told me tehre is nothing to worry about... then when I brought it home my wife gave the shirt to my mom... she grabbed it to try but on her way she HAD to go into the dryer to touch the clothing inside to see if its dried... it wasn't so she dried it again... now my fear is what if she touched the clothing and touched the blood and touched the clothing inside the dryer and now put the germs inside the dryer... now I am afraid to use the dryer... does any of this fear sound like something u have to go through? I love to have someone to talk to about this issue...
I should add I am not happy someone is goign through my problems but just happy to know I am not the only one facing this issue day in day out... hope you are not offended by that
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