What is that? Battery acid? Hair color dilemmas.

One of my obsessions is battery acid. I think it's a typical ocd obsession. I do not like handling batteries. I used to do it with no problem but not for a few years now. I would wear gloves to handle them. I have notice something in my microwave for a while but keep forgetting to clean it. I finally did it today. I threw away my bowl of oatmeal this morning because I thought I heard a weird noise and then made up stuff in my mind and didn't want to eat it. I took started to clean the microwave and it was a brown greasy looking stuff. Then I thought is this battery acid or what is it even though I'm pretty sure there is no battery in it. That doesn't stop my ocd from believing there might be. There is a few places that it looks like got corroded and looks like rust. It think "rationally" must be some butter that got melted and overflowed and never cleaned so it sat there and caused that to happen. The "irrational" part of me is that it is something dangerous. I put on my gloves and finish cleaning it. I actually do not have gloves on now as I type which is surprising because I do not like to contaminate my keyboard. I thought about throwing my microwave away but I didn't. I have washed my hands alot though because the gooey stuff did get on my hands.
I did something this week that I haven't done in several years. I painted my toenails. I figured I could handle it on my toes because I would not be cooking with them or putting them in my mouth.
I have been trying to find a method to color my hair without chemicals. I tryed a test patch two times with henna. It didn't get the color I wanted. I want to try my whole head but I'm scared. I'm afraid it will do something to me or interact with my anti-depressant (luvox). I have colored my hair with regular chemical hair color but I can't do it now. I am too afraid of long term affects of it and of getting it in my eyes. It seems like henna would be the best choice. I don't like that I have to leave it on a couple hours. I have my 20 year highschool reunion this Saturday. I wanted to cover my grays. I also am going back to school this fall and would like to cover my grays. I didn't care as much until now because I'm a stay-at-home mom so it's just trips to the store, school, sports and so on.

Inside my OCD world

I'll be talking about my relaxing camping trip later. It was actually relaxing. I hardly know the meaning of that word.
Let's see...I know my life is good. In fact so good compared to alot of people that are living in poverty and don't have clothes, a home, clean water and the funny thing is they some of them are probably happier than me. I know being a God loving woman that God fills that empty hole but being human I do struggle. I don't spend enough time reading my Bible and seeking God. I try to take care of everything myself and worry about everything when God tells me not to worry about anything. Good advice, if only I can listen.
I have been feeling a cloud lifted since I have started taking 800 mg of vitamin D a day and 1000mg of fish oil. I truly am out of the major funk I was in. So grouchy and irritable and hardly could smile. I can smile now and my head feels clearer. I'm still obsessing though.
I am last night and today obsessing over a stupid phone. I'm obsessing because I finally bought a new cordless phone because my other one loses it's battery power very quickly. As I was reading through the pamphlet it came with I started to get that sinking feeling. It said if you touch the cord to wash your hands after handling because they contain LEAD. Okay?  Then the battery which is cadmium nickel is known to cause cancer in the state of California, Okay? Great now I have a toxic phone. I put on two (double- thick) pairs of gloves and packed that thing up this morning. I know I'll probably not like any phone I get. I dread taking the thing to return it because it's embarrasing and I don't want to handle it and I'm not wearing gloves to the store. I won't go that far atleast for now and hopefully never. I hope they will return it. This is when I start beating myself up mentally. I get so down on myself  and know that most people don't know or even care what kind of battery their phone has. Dang OCD!  I don't even know what I would be like without OCD. Maybe I would be living fearlessly and dreaming big and making things happen instead of living in my scared little world. I don't know why I think I can protect myself  and my family from the things of this life. In reality I know I can't but trying to convince my OCD of that is a different story. I hate hearing myself complain but it does help to get my thoughts out. If people want to read they can and if no one wants to listen or read they don't have to. That's what's nice about having a blog and a circle of people that can relate with me.

A needle, a bump, rubbing alcohol, and other body blunders, and some more battery concerns.

Where to begin?  It's been an interesting week.
I found a couple ugly, horrible looking, red, swollen, bumps on my body and I think they are just ingrown hairs. I don't like the look of infection around them. I used to be able to take a needle and poke out a sliver with no worries. Now, I worry that the needle might be contaminated even though I've had it for a long time sitting in my dresser drawer with mending supplies. Even though I clean it with my 99 something percent rubbing alcohol. It could still have some blood germs that could give me something on it yep. I know it sounds funny when I read it but not when I'm experiencing the sense of realness when OCD is kicking in. So, anyway this is gross but I poked the pimple or whatever it is to try to start some healing. That didn't work. I just put some neosporin on it for a few days but that hasn't helped either. I found another one fairly close in proximity but I don't know why I have these. I'm not really worried that I have them it's more about the infection in them. I always worry that things infected in my body are going to travel to my brain or heart. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to see if they can take care of it for me. So, that morning I was obsessing over the disease I might have given myself from my dirty needle. I was over it by mid-morning. I looked in my doctors handbook about sliver removal and it said to use a needle that was cleaned with rubbing alcohol so I figured it must be fine and sterile enough.

I was having some issues again with possible battery leakage. I have had a laptop for a while now. I don't like the fact that it contains a BATTERY on the underneath side of it. I would not even set the laptop on my lap because of that and I don't know what the other wireless stuff might do to me or the battery could leak. I know it's so weird. Anyway, I've notice some whiteish stuff which is probably dust but I can't be CERTAIN and that's what my OCD wants is 100% CERTAINTY. I cleaned the surface of my desk and the underneath of my computer but it was bothering me. I get more worried because I'm afraid if it is battery acid then I'll get it in my eyes when I take out my contacts. I am over it today. I was wearing gloves yesterday to type on the computer before I took my contacts out. I know it's funny. Ha, Ha, I can even laugh at it. It was funny when I was doing it but I knew I just didn't want to deal with it any other way at that moment. GLOVES are my friends. I don't have gloves on today.

Panic attack

Sunday morning I awoke in a way I never have before. My heart was racing. I got up and walked into the kitchen and then I started having a panic attack because I was freaked out and didn't know if I should call for help or what. My husband wasn't here because he was at my son's soccer game. I called my sister and she told me to breathe and sit down. I took a clonazapam also. It did help. My heart never even races when I'm stressed so to wake up like that was scarey.

As for today, I am still feeling the contamination feelings from the batteries. I was outside doing some stuff in the garage and I touched the garbage can without a barrier like a bag or glove and of course now I feel like I probably have acid on my hands. I am using my computer though. I must have lost my mind. It really bothers me to think I have stuff on my hands for many reasons but I really worry because I wear contacts and I'm afraid I'll get it in my eyes when I take them out at night. My husband says I wash my hands so much it would be off by then anyway. I am anticipating some more anxiety soon. I bought some new outside lights for my husband to replace on our house. Our's got broken because of basketballs hitting it and now to my unhappiness and what I really didn't want to happen I noticed the dumb flouresent twirly light bulb got broken too. Well, the problem with that is they contain mercury. Oh, it's just one thing after another. I hope my husband can do it without getting mercury on anything or his hands. I told myself I wasn't going to let this stuff bother me and just live my life but I just don't know if I'll ever be able to. I have anxiety either way.

Batteries

Leaking batteries in my remote control white and crusty.

Placing gloves on hands to remove them and throw in trash outside.

Cleaned remote much to my dismay and it still is contaminated to away it went into the trash.

Nightstand that I like putting things on you are now contaminated too. I now can't set anything on you. What to do with you I just don't know.

Afraid of battery acid getting on me and especially in my eyes. Wearing contacts has started to interfere with my dirty OCD hands.

Not wanting to touch my outside garbage can because I might have somehow got battery acid on it when I threw the batteries in there so for now I have to wear a glove and hide it with a plastic grocery bag so my neighbors don't think I'm weird. Still feeling like my hands are dirty.

Bought a new remote. Hate touching batteries so I had to put my gloves on to put them in my remote. It now has a new home on top of the tv since I can't put it on my nightstand.

Batteries why do you have to cause so much trouble you stupid things.