I have had a very emotional day today.
I took my daughter in to get her tummy checked since it's been bothering her. I guess she was due for her yearly check-up so we did that when we were there. If you've been reading my blog the past week you know what I've been dealing with. I couldn't decide if my daughter had to get blood drawn if I should go ahead and have the hiv test done too since it's all in on poke. She did have to get blood drawn and I went ahead and did the hiv also. When I asked her doctor about doing it she said we can do it if it makes me sleep better at night. It doesn't sound like she was happy with me. She told me last year when I told her about my concern that we could do a test even though she felt it wasn't necessary. I feel sick about it and then thought to myself I shouldn't have done it. They said it takes 2 to 10 days for the results. That's like an eternity. I've let my OCD defeat me. I was so upset when I got home. I'm upping my clonazepam for a while. My birthday is Sunday. It seems like something always goes on around my birthday with OCD. I felt like I wanted to call and tell them to cancel the test but then what good would that do? Now it's done. I can pray and hope for the best.
My Mother is also still in the hospital. She had bariatric surgery done on Wednesday. She was supposed to go home today but is having some complications. They found she is having leakage and now she is back in surgery. This is also causing alot of anxiety for me. I love my mom. It's not fun dealing with this when she has always been a healthy person and such an important person to me. I haven't even been able to go see her because I have been sick all week with a fever and congestion.
I think I've reached a low point right now. God please give me strength, hope, encouragement and please bring health and healing upon my mom and my family. Amen.
I took my daughter in to get her tummy checked since it's been bothering her. I guess she was due for her yearly check-up so we did that when we were there. If you've been reading my blog the past week you know what I've been dealing with. I couldn't decide if my daughter had to get blood drawn if I should go ahead and have the hiv test done too since it's all in on poke. She did have to get blood drawn and I went ahead and did the hiv also. When I asked her doctor about doing it she said we can do it if it makes me sleep better at night. It doesn't sound like she was happy with me. She told me last year when I told her about my concern that we could do a test even though she felt it wasn't necessary. I feel sick about it and then thought to myself I shouldn't have done it. They said it takes 2 to 10 days for the results. That's like an eternity. I've let my OCD defeat me. I was so upset when I got home. I'm upping my clonazepam for a while. My birthday is Sunday. It seems like something always goes on around my birthday with OCD. I felt like I wanted to call and tell them to cancel the test but then what good would that do? Now it's done. I can pray and hope for the best.
My Mother is also still in the hospital. She had bariatric surgery done on Wednesday. She was supposed to go home today but is having some complications. They found she is having leakage and now she is back in surgery. This is also causing alot of anxiety for me. I love my mom. It's not fun dealing with this when she has always been a healthy person and such an important person to me. I haven't even been able to go see her because I have been sick all week with a fever and congestion.
I think I've reached a low point right now. God please give me strength, hope, encouragement and please bring health and healing upon my mom and my family. Amen.
So sorry you're having a crappy weekend. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid to even get an HIV test. But I have given blood 4 times in the past month for testing for anemia and allergy issues/nonissues.
ReplyDeleteYou haven't just lost to OCD. You may have complied in one situation, but now you have a new experience to stand against it. I hope you feel better soon. Being sick with a fever at the same time as dealing with things just doesn't feel fair.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom's complications! That must be so hard for you to deal with. Asking for the hiv test doesn't determine your worthiness as a person--the key is to know that ocd will ultimately not let the test settle the question and sleep at night, and you need to prepare for that. Maybe the Ian Osborn book will help you prepare to face the exposure of not asking for another test after you get the results of this one.
ReplyDelete