I've been on here alot lately and that's not a good thing. The less I write the better I am doing. First of all I have had the flu for the past few days. I am very achey. My daughter had it earlier in the week and my husband stayed home yesterday because he had it. I just take and ibuprofen every six to eight hours and it helps. I think I have a respiratory infection and fever. My back is aching now and this anxiety I am feeling about HIV again is really making things worse. My mom is having bariatric bypass surgery tomorrow for weight loss. She has struggled with her weight for many years so now has decided to do this. I'm sure this is adding to my anxiety too. I have to babysit my 3 year old nephew tomorrow and Friday. I usually watch him every Monday and Tuesday but my Mom and Dad usually watch him the other days so we traded because of the surgery. My daughter has and appointment on Friday to get her tummy checked since she keeps saying she has a tummy ache. If she has to have blood drawn I wonder if I should just have the hiv test done too. I can't stand the thought of it. I know I am making myself miserable now but the thought of the waiting and all that for the results makes me want to vomit. If the result was negative I'm sure I would be very happy and I wouldn't think the results were false and I would move on. It' the what if they were positive. Of course the appointment isn't until Friday so I have all that time to sit and OBSESS. I just feel like such a loser when I feel like this. I feel so weak and afraid and embarrased that I keep bringing this up. How can it be that it goes away and I don't worry about it and then I see blood from my daughter pulling her tooth out and WHAM it just comes back to haunt me and torture me. I just want to wake up from this bad dream I am having.
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