I am happy to say that as of a few days ago my anxiety over my eyes is done for now. I still do have an appointment later in the month but I have let my mind stop obsessing over it. I'm so happy about this and felt greatly relieved until other obsessions kicked in. I've just felt more stress lately and it makes my OCD worse for sure. I obsess about one thing and then it moves on to another.
Yesterday my husband had to change our brakes. I don't like it because I've read that brake pads can contain asbestos. I really don't like that he has to use brake fluid. It was challenging to wash his clothes last night and I was only worried about the paint on his shirt from painting the outside of the house. I forgot about the brake fluid. So now I have that to OCD about. I ran and wasted two load of hot water and soap throught the washing machine last night after taking his clothes out. I found two little pieces in his pocket and he said they were from the car. Oh great. I always need to check pockets but I don't. I'm afraid to put my hands in there. I now feel like I need to wash out the dryer with paper towels and soap. I don't feel like this will fully get it cleaned. I have a fear of my children's clothes especially getting contaminated with chemicals. I think this way because I have OCD. Maybe I know this is outrageous but I can't convince myself because I want one hundred percent certainty. I will never get this here in this world. I need to accept it but my OCD sure fights against it. I am dealing with so many chemical obsessions right now. Here I am awake very early and my muscles are tight and I am thinking about stupid things that are of no importance.
I think I need to go and take an ibuprofen and I'll go back to bed for a while and rest before the day begins.
You have a lot of wisdom when you say that we will never have 100% certainty in this world. That is the core of our trouble with OCD. I am glad to tell you though that after working through CBT/ERP I don't need 100% certainty a lot of the time anymore. I mean, I'm still a work in progress, and I have a lot yet to do, but it does really get easier after doing the exposures. You just keep pushing forward and trying to do ERPs when you can. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteOh, I hope you're feeling better today!
Thank you so much for all your kind and helpful comments. You are so encouraging.
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