Hey everyone.
I just feel like complaining today. I am tired from the clonazapam I took. I started taking some again last week since my anxiety has been extra high. It's just been stressful around here because up until last week for three plus years I've been babysitting my 4 year old nephew. I just couldn't take it anymore. Between having my kids home and him it is so hard. My nephew talks and asks questions non-stop. He makes loud noises. I love him but it's no picnic babysitting especially when I need some quietness in my day to not go insane.
For the last few days I've had a new obsession. It's one that goes on and off but usually doesn't last long. I remember in elementary school being at a lady's house my mom worked with and was friends with. The lady said to me " your eye turns in like mine" I never knew or thought my eye turned in. I thought that was a mean thing to say. She should have said it to my mom if anything. I have been going to the eye doctor since second grade because I needed glasses for an astigmatism. None of the doctors ever said anything to me that my eye turned in. Later when I was in beauty school I got paranoid again because this stupid girl who I was actually friends with once in a while when I was around would look at her other friend and make her eye go inward. I should have asked her why she was doing that but instead I thought my eye must turn in and she is making fun of me. I have thought about asking the eye doctor if it does but then I feel stupid or when I'm there I'm not worrying about it. I have been obsessing at looking at pictures of myself and examing my eyes and asking my husband and children. I already had my eye exam for the year but I feel like I should make another now so I can get an answer. Love all my readers out there. Hope you have a wonderful day and my God bless you.
I'm so sorry you are struggling so much with this. I would love to answer you, but I don't want to reassure you because I know that would be enabling and I can't bring myself to do that after all the therapy I've had. I would feel wrong to do it. I'm sorry. : (
ReplyDeleteWhat I can tell you is that compulsing about it (looking at yourself in the mirror, looking at pictures, asking others to look at you) won't change anything and it will only make you feel awful. Ugh. I know that from personal experience. I *think* (now I'm not a psychologist or doctor or anything), but I *think* my therapist would say to sit with the idea that your eye is turning in (whether it really is or not, you seem to believe it). Do not look at pictures of yourself, or look in the mirror to check. So sit with it, imagine that it is actually true, and eventually the anxiety will go down about it. I know this is excruciatingly difficult. But I also know you can do it. Hang in there.
If you suspect that you have a medical condition with your eye, I would definitely have a doctor look at it. But if you think this is really an OCD obsession, then I think an ERP is the best thing you could try.
God bless you too. I sure hope you feel better soon.
Thank you for your kind advice!
ReplyDeleteIt's not a medical condition but when someone has said that to me I just don't know if it's true or not and I can't stop thinking about it.
DeleteOh yes, I understand the not being able to stop thinking about it either. : (
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