Yes, indeed last night I had a bad dream that involved the much hated ANTIFREEZE that is in my garage.
This morning I woke up around 4:00 a.m. thinking about it and trying to put together a plan of how I'm going to get rid of it. There is also brake fluid out there but antifreeze is bugging me most. I know to people who don't have OCD this seems so silly. I told my husband it's like theres a monster in the garage when I was trying to explain to him how it makes me feel. He told me there's no such thing as monsters. It's really hard for him to understand my point of view. I told him I get really mad at him when he brings chemicals home when he knows how I feel about them. He said he has to because we can't afford to take the car in to do some things like get the brakes changed or adding antifreeze or whatever. I appreciate him trying to help but I told him it probably costs us more in the long run from the turmoil it causes. He said he will have to get another job then so we can afford to take it somewhere. I know he won't do that and I don't want him to. I told him I could pay his brother and to come get the chemicals and take them to the hazardous waste facility or ask his dad. He didn't respond except explained why he had the chemicals. I don't want my husband to handle the chemicals or put them in his car. It will bother me even if he wears gloves. I'm so afraid of him getting the chemicals on him and bringing them into our home. I now am fearful that things I have stored in our garage our contaminated. Our Christmas decorations are not sitting far from the antifreeze and I don't know if I'll be able to use them. He said he guesses we won't be decorating for Christmas then. He always tells me I'm getting worse (my OCD) I'm pretty sure I'm not getting WORSE. It's just a viscious cycle. I shame myself and let myself get walked on sometimes because of OCD. It's like this mind set of letting my husband get away with certain comments or behaviors and feeling like I deserve it because of what he has to put up with me and my OCD. I tell him I can't help it. I know I can do things like exposures but I have done that and it just doesn't seem worth it to me for all that it puts me through. It doesn't seem like it really helps and then I almost can't function because I'm freaking out. I wish chemicals didn't bother me. I know people that don't have OCD probably think GET OVER IT. I would if I could. I am refraining from taking a clonazepam. I haven't taken one to help calm me in several weeks. I want to try to feel the fear and accept it and try to go on. It 's just the antifreeze won't leave me alone. I fear it causing harm and coming in through the heater into the house. I have been leaving my garage door open or cracked during the day.
This morning I woke up around 4:00 a.m. thinking about it and trying to put together a plan of how I'm going to get rid of it. There is also brake fluid out there but antifreeze is bugging me most. I know to people who don't have OCD this seems so silly. I told my husband it's like theres a monster in the garage when I was trying to explain to him how it makes me feel. He told me there's no such thing as monsters. It's really hard for him to understand my point of view. I told him I get really mad at him when he brings chemicals home when he knows how I feel about them. He said he has to because we can't afford to take the car in to do some things like get the brakes changed or adding antifreeze or whatever. I appreciate him trying to help but I told him it probably costs us more in the long run from the turmoil it causes. He said he will have to get another job then so we can afford to take it somewhere. I know he won't do that and I don't want him to. I told him I could pay his brother and to come get the chemicals and take them to the hazardous waste facility or ask his dad. He didn't respond except explained why he had the chemicals. I don't want my husband to handle the chemicals or put them in his car. It will bother me even if he wears gloves. I'm so afraid of him getting the chemicals on him and bringing them into our home. I now am fearful that things I have stored in our garage our contaminated. Our Christmas decorations are not sitting far from the antifreeze and I don't know if I'll be able to use them. He said he guesses we won't be decorating for Christmas then. He always tells me I'm getting worse (my OCD) I'm pretty sure I'm not getting WORSE. It's just a viscious cycle. I shame myself and let myself get walked on sometimes because of OCD. It's like this mind set of letting my husband get away with certain comments or behaviors and feeling like I deserve it because of what he has to put up with me and my OCD. I tell him I can't help it. I know I can do things like exposures but I have done that and it just doesn't seem worth it to me for all that it puts me through. It doesn't seem like it really helps and then I almost can't function because I'm freaking out. I wish chemicals didn't bother me. I know people that don't have OCD probably think GET OVER IT. I would if I could. I am refraining from taking a clonazepam. I haven't taken one to help calm me in several weeks. I want to try to feel the fear and accept it and try to go on. It 's just the antifreeze won't leave me alone. I fear it causing harm and coming in through the heater into the house. I have been leaving my garage door open or cracked during the day.
It's so hard being married to someone who doesn't have OCD. Unless you've experienced OCD first hand, it's hard to understand - and because it involves a certain level of emotion, I think men have an especially hard time understanding or empathizing with their wives who have it. I'll be praying for him to understand your point of view - and for you to have some much needed relief from worry. hugs!
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