Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Feeling foggy and like I'm gonna lose control

Some days when I wake up I just feel foggy. I guess that's the best way to describe it. I don't know it it's from my medication or stress or what causes it. I have felt kind of overwhelmed the last few days. My children are home for summer and I've been running like crazy with basketball camp and baseball. My daughter and I have had alot of butting heads. If she is bored she wants to eat. It is so hard for me to keep telling her no and it does get annoying. As soon as she is done with lunch she wants something else. It's like a constant need to have something in her mouth. This has always been a struggle with her. I like food too so I understand but I know how to stop and not keep eating. I don't think she understands. She thinks I am mean when I tell her she can't have something. Thankfully, my son is not like that. I would really be losing it then. Today is cloudy again and it's starting to be depressing. We have been having alot of rain. It is summer! I wore my jeans and winter coat to the store today. That was another fun experience all in itself. I started by looking for some duct tape for our flooring project. It was across from paint thinners and all that lovely stuff. Oh ya, it did smell. I said to my daughter come on quick as we hurried away from there. You think I'm going to buy the tape that is permiated with the vapors of PAINT THINNER. I just couldn't do it. I was overly anxious to begin with. Then onto the brooms that I need. I couldn't get that because it was across from varnishes and all of that kind of junk. On to the masks that I want my husband to wear when cutting our laminate flooring so he doesn't inhale the ALUMINUM OXIDE particles that might fly off it. I know he won't even wear the mask. He doesn't care about all that stuff. OVERLOAD! 
While looking at the masks I touched a package one was in and it looked like something might have spilled on the outside of it. Who knows what. I just wanted to go home but I decided just to have my daughter get all the items we needed and put them in the cart. We got our groceries and she had fun getting the stuff. Sometimes I just feel like a complete psycho woman. I hate putting my kids through that too. When I came home I knew I needed to take a clonazopam. I do feel much better now. It helps to take that edge off. I am so thankful for that. I don't take it everyday, but it can be a lifesaver in times like these.

3 comments:

  1. Been there. I feel for ya. :) Thank goodness for meds, huh?

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  2. It's like trying move around in a house of cards and not knock anything down. Do you have anyone to talk to or an ocd support group? When I get into that foggy reactive highly anxious state, it really helps to have someone assist me in getting some distance from the ocd and seeing how it operates, rather than being consumed by it.

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  3. I don't belong to any support groups. This is the only thing right now my blogging.

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