Need to vent with my ocd homies

Just a short vent as I said nothing exciting but it's really bothering me right now. I have gone to three stores today to buy needed things and mostly groceries for a camping trip that will be a week long. I am completely exhausted and have been driving and running around since 8:30 a.m. It is now 4:00 p.m. and I'm going to leave again shortly to take my daughter to soccer practice out in the country. So on with my OCD issue. My last stop at the grocery store is what caused it. I noticed as the cashier was almost done ringing up my stuff that the lady behind me had DRANO. It was separated by the little plastic bar and my then my turkey sausage for camping. The cashier put my sausage in with my hot dogs and lunch meat. Now I'm thinking I really want to return it. I usually would just throw it away but it is such a waste of money. What should I do?

Anyone have any advice? I think I can guess the answer. Thanks for enduring the venting. Oh, so anyway the problem is that I'm worried that the drano could have contaminated my food and me and my family will get poisoned if we eat it. Ooh, it's that uncomfortable feeling that I hate. It's called OCD.

Guilt and hopelessness

This is something that has followed me around especially since I've had children. I feel so responsible for their every moment of happiness. I feel so guilty when I don't have anything for us to do. I've lived in this town or area my whole life and I just run out of stuff to do. Depression I believe is what causes these feelings. When I watch commercials about depression and they hold up those signs saying what it is those all describe me. I hate this feeling of guilt and feeling unworthy as a mother and a person. The wanting to do things and having ideas in my life but not quite sure how to make it happen. I don't know if anyone else experiences this but it's a real struggle. It just feels like I'm on a treadmill running nowhere. I hate complaining because God has given me all the tools I need I just need to figure out how to use them.

Inside my OCD world

I'll be talking about my relaxing camping trip later. It was actually relaxing. I hardly know the meaning of that word.
Let's see...I know my life is good. In fact so good compared to alot of people that are living in poverty and don't have clothes, a home, clean water and the funny thing is they some of them are probably happier than me. I know being a God loving woman that God fills that empty hole but being human I do struggle. I don't spend enough time reading my Bible and seeking God. I try to take care of everything myself and worry about everything when God tells me not to worry about anything. Good advice, if only I can listen.
I have been feeling a cloud lifted since I have started taking 800 mg of vitamin D a day and 1000mg of fish oil. I truly am out of the major funk I was in. So grouchy and irritable and hardly could smile. I can smile now and my head feels clearer. I'm still obsessing though.
I am last night and today obsessing over a stupid phone. I'm obsessing because I finally bought a new cordless phone because my other one loses it's battery power very quickly. As I was reading through the pamphlet it came with I started to get that sinking feeling. It said if you touch the cord to wash your hands after handling because they contain LEAD. Okay?  Then the battery which is cadmium nickel is known to cause cancer in the state of California, Okay? Great now I have a toxic phone. I put on two (double- thick) pairs of gloves and packed that thing up this morning. I know I'll probably not like any phone I get. I dread taking the thing to return it because it's embarrasing and I don't want to handle it and I'm not wearing gloves to the store. I won't go that far atleast for now and hopefully never. I hope they will return it. This is when I start beating myself up mentally. I get so down on myself  and know that most people don't know or even care what kind of battery their phone has. Dang OCD!  I don't even know what I would be like without OCD. Maybe I would be living fearlessly and dreaming big and making things happen instead of living in my scared little world. I don't know why I think I can protect myself  and my family from the things of this life. In reality I know I can't but trying to convince my OCD of that is a different story. I hate hearing myself complain but it does help to get my thoughts out. If people want to read they can and if no one wants to listen or read they don't have to. That's what's nice about having a blog and a circle of people that can relate with me.

I don't really know what's wrong with me besides the obvious

All I know is that I have been feeling so irritable lately. I just get mad and irritated for no good reason. Sounds like are loud or whatever. I'm sick of feeling like this. I feel like I am in a mental fog. I'm trying to figure out what is going on. I started back on vitamin D and fish oil and my multi-vitamin a few days ago to see if that helps. I don't want to call my doctor because it just doesn't seem to help. I know I need to start excercising and that should help too, I hope. We had a very sunny day in the 80's yesterday and now it's dark and cloudy again today. I also had a cavity filled last week and then it was bothersome for a few days afterwords and I noticed it felt rough in between with my tongue. I went a while ago so he could smooth it out and now it feels like there is a sharp point that I keep putting my tongue on. I hate having my teeth worked on. It really bothers me when it's not just right and I hate my teeth being messed with and "ruined" with the drill. Now, I do sound like a total irritable girl.

Our mini-vacation

On memorial day weekend we had to go out of town for a baseball tournament. It was to a place we used to go for vacation when I worked and we had more money. I rented a townhouse for our family because I do not like being stuck in a hotel room. This is the story of our vacation.
When we arrived at the townhome I went upstairs because there was a closet with some games in it. My daughter was looking at them. I first thing I noticed that I didn't like was they had paint cans stored in there. That was nothing compared to what I noticed next and obsessed about until our last day there. The water heater was in that closet too. I noticed white junk which was corrosion because it was leaking. That was not cool. The thing that really got my OCD going was the insulation wrapped around it. It had the pink stuff sticking out around the top and I am afraid of that stuff. I am afraid of breathing in stuff that might harm me. So, then I had to call the owner to tell her about the leak. It turns out a plumber had to come out and the water heater had to be replaced. I was not happy about this. I was freaked out because I was imagining all the fiberglass particles that would get all through the home while the plumber had to take it out and bring it down the stairs. I wouldn't vacuum though because that might stir it up more. We were gone at games the whole day so it was probably good we weren't there most of that day. There is something that made me stop worrying about all this and it's crazy. I was watching a show on HGTV and there was a women remodeling her vacation home. Hmm...What do ya know. There was exposed insulation on all the walls of the room she was in. My husband thought oh great but I said yes it is because I can laugh and feel good about this whole situation because the lady was pregnant too. She didn't care about the insulation. She was even painting. It's amazing how a silly show can snap me out of it. I did find a red smudge that looked like blood on the bathroom wall too. I took a wood boat decoration they had on the counter and put it against it to cover it up. I also found something crusty on my comforter on my bed. I took it off and tried to shove it in the washing machine but it wouldn't fit. Obviously, they don't wash them much if it doesn't even fit in the washer. I took it and shoved it in the closed and found a different covering for the bed. Wow, I sure know how to make my life complicated.

Grumpy

I haven't blogged in quite a while because I guess I just haven't felt like it. I have felt like expressing my feelings lately. Sometimes I'm just too irritated and don't know how to express myself. So I'm thinking that I'm just a grumpy person to my family the one's I care about the most. I don't know how this happened. I always have been a nice person and I really love my family. I just feel hopeless alot. I feel like I'm doing the same thing day after day and have no goals or motivation. The only thing I do is take care of my family. A typical week for me is taking my kids to school and sports and whatever other activities, preparing meals, grocery shopping and other errands, cleaning house, laundry, dishes, and going to church on Sunday. I am usually satisfied with this. I have been a stay-at-home mom for about 7 years now. I quit my job to be home with my kids. I want to be home with them. I feel more useless now I guess since they are more independent now. I sometimes think I should get a job but I have no idea what I would do. I wanted to start making candles and try selling them and I was all excited about it but now my OCD is getting in the way like always and trying to sabotage it for me. The fragrance I would have to use to make them might be bad for me it says. Almost everything I want to do is destroyed by my OCD. Lately I just haven't been very happy. I just feel stuck in this pit of boringness and helplessness and I don't know how to get out. I think it could have to do with some depression that goes along with my OCD. I know today is the first day in a while I have seen sun here where I live and it is nice.

A very challenging day

It seems like my OCD is going crazy now because of all the stressful events in the last few weeks. I started feeling like I was hyperventilating last night and my breathing is not natural today. Today has been a wasted day. I looked on the computer to try and find some recipes and then I went to Trader Joes which is about 15 minutes from my house. I usually go to Fred Meyers which is about 5 minutes from my house. I got about $70 worth of groceries but now I don't even want them. The cashier was a woman and I'm being OCD here by thinking she looks manly and must be gay. She had on a wedding ring but that doesn't mean anything. The big problem was she had a bandage on her thumb and that did me in. I should've just ran out of there or made up some exuse but instead I got it. I wasn't in her line but she took me over to her line. I came home and I washed off all my groceries with soap and water. I still don't feel better. I threw about a bag of pre-cut apples because I was trying to transfer them to a big ziplock bag and I thought some touched the outside of the contaminated bag and then I just threw them all away. What a waste of money. I called to see if I could drop off some of my food at a food donation site but no one answered the phone.
I went into another store just to get some cereal and they must have spilled bleach in there because it was strong and then I had to leave because I didn't want to breathe it in and I didn't want to buy the cereal there.
I also got some books on amazon to read more about OCD and one of the books had something on it. I thought it was just part of the book but when I rubbed it, it came off. I was going to return the books but I don't know if I will. I'll have to pay for the shipping since it's not their fault.
I feel so guilty because my husband is working late tonight for overtime and now I'm doing all the garbage with wasting money because of this stupid OCD.