Thank You

I just want to take a moment to thank my fellow OCD blogging friends. I really feel like we are a special group of people and it does help so much to know you are there to offer support and to know you face similar and different things and advice on how to handle them. Sometimes just some simple words really can make it all seem okay. Thank you all.

Asbestos

I was worrying about some asbestos in the kid's schools. We get these papers saying they check for them and have found some and they are handled by AHERA which stands for Asbestos Hazard Emergency Response Act. The schools are checked every six months. I wasn't really worried about it much to my surprise until the other day. My son who is in 7th grade is in band. He said he knew this might worry me but, they had asbestos in the stairs in their band room. He wasn't concerned. He only told me because he was talking about how the band teacher wanted to get them taken out but it would cost too much because of the asbestos. I guess the kids are always tripping over them and she just didn't like them. I'm glad he told me anyway. I called and talked to someone in charge of all this stuff and she said the asbestos was in the glue that binded the carpet to these stairs the kids sit on to play instruments. She said it could only be released into the air if it was sanded or something like that. The woman did call the band teacher and talked to her. She said she could submit a form for a bid to see how much it would cost to get them removed.  I just have to trust that he is safe.
I also have a friend who I've know for quite a few years and she lives in an old house. She mentioned that her house has asbestos in the popcorn ceiling. She gave me some boots that didn't fit her and I was so excited by it. The next day I ended up giving them back because it was bothering me too much thinking that there might be some asbestos fibers in them.

OCD runs in families

I know from my own experience and from reading that OCD is genetic.
My dad, sister an niece have it. My sister just started having more symptoms of it.
I always wondered about my son who is now 12. He sometimes had little "habits" that made me think about him having it and hoping not.
Lately, signs have been more apparent. He has had  habits but I'm now wondering if they actually are tics which are associated with OCD. He has in the past had continuous throat clearing and sniffing. It will last for a few months and then go away. He now has started stretching his neck which is quite obvious. It is particularly worse when he is at basketball pactice. My husband told me last night at practice it was bad and he was shrugging and stretching his neck and getting very distracted. My son is on the top competitive team for his age in our town. I really don't know what to do. He doesn't talk about it or say why he does it. I asked him if he fells like he has to and he just says he's stretching or doesn't really say anything. It drives my husband crazy and he tells him to quit it or mocks him I told him I don't think he can help it.

Checking in

I write this blog to share my experiences with people and to find people who I can relate with. I do not always have something to write about.
I am always on alert for with that fight or flight feeling but I think I'm doing pretty good right now.  I never know from day to day, but I guess that is true for all of us since life offers us no guarantees and OCD doesn't accept that. It wants a guarantee. This is where I put my faith in God.
I am taking one clonazepam daily and continue to take 3 fluvoxomine nightly. Taking the clonazepam in the morning sure does help me. I wake up and start feeling anxious as the morning progresses otherwise.

It's here just as I was expecting...MERCURY

Yep, I knew it because I've had issues with it before. As I mentioned the other day we had a broken CFL light bulb that contains mercury. My husband had to replace it. We replaced the light sconce along with the light bulb because we have wanted new ones. He said it took a while to get it off but then he wrapped a plastic bag around it as he took it off. He said he was as careful as he could be. I feel so bad because he was trying to protect me and yet it just wasn't good enough. He told me I could throw away the clothes he was wearing. I might. I have done it before and I'm not proud of it. The other problem is the clothes he was wearing were already put in the hamper touching other clothes that were in there. So, I'd have to throw away everything that was in there. I am so afraid of whatever mercury or vapor from it could have gotten on his shirt and I'm so afraid of it contaminating our washing machine and then contaminating all our clothes. I had this happen with something else before and I almost had my husband return our washing machine. It still could have been returned because we had it for a few months. This has been consuming me the past few days and it is so stupid but yet I can't seem to get on with it. I'm really disapointed at myself when I am like this.  Oh, yes I did my RESEARCH today. I'd be rich if I got paid for my researching. So, the facts are that a CFL lightbulb contains about 4 mg. of mercury and that would be enough to cover the tip of a ball point pen. That doesn't sound like alot but it's still too much for this OCD mind. An old-school mercury thermometer had 500 mg. of mercury, a watch battery has 25 mg., and a silver looking filling and I don't know how you spell the name of it has 500 mg. You would think that could give me comfort but my brain is stuck in gear. I got a new laundry hamper today and I have his clothing and things that were touching it wrapped up in a plastic bag. I have a headache and my tummy aches. My soul aches.

Panic attack

Sunday morning I awoke in a way I never have before. My heart was racing. I got up and walked into the kitchen and then I started having a panic attack because I was freaked out and didn't know if I should call for help or what. My husband wasn't here because he was at my son's soccer game. I called my sister and she told me to breathe and sit down. I took a clonazapam also. It did help. My heart never even races when I'm stressed so to wake up like that was scarey.

As for today, I am still feeling the contamination feelings from the batteries. I was outside doing some stuff in the garage and I touched the garbage can without a barrier like a bag or glove and of course now I feel like I probably have acid on my hands. I am using my computer though. I must have lost my mind. It really bothers me to think I have stuff on my hands for many reasons but I really worry because I wear contacts and I'm afraid I'll get it in my eyes when I take them out at night. My husband says I wash my hands so much it would be off by then anyway. I am anticipating some more anxiety soon. I bought some new outside lights for my husband to replace on our house. Our's got broken because of basketballs hitting it and now to my unhappiness and what I really didn't want to happen I noticed the dumb flouresent twirly light bulb got broken too. Well, the problem with that is they contain mercury. Oh, it's just one thing after another. I hope my husband can do it without getting mercury on anything or his hands. I told myself I wasn't going to let this stuff bother me and just live my life but I just don't know if I'll ever be able to. I have anxiety either way.

Batteries

Leaking batteries in my remote control white and crusty.

Placing gloves on hands to remove them and throw in trash outside.

Cleaned remote much to my dismay and it still is contaminated to away it went into the trash.

Nightstand that I like putting things on you are now contaminated too. I now can't set anything on you. What to do with you I just don't know.

Afraid of battery acid getting on me and especially in my eyes. Wearing contacts has started to interfere with my dirty OCD hands.

Not wanting to touch my outside garbage can because I might have somehow got battery acid on it when I threw the batteries in there so for now I have to wear a glove and hide it with a plastic grocery bag so my neighbors don't think I'm weird. Still feeling like my hands are dirty.

Bought a new remote. Hate touching batteries so I had to put my gloves on to put them in my remote. It now has a new home on top of the tv since I can't put it on my nightstand.

Batteries why do you have to cause so much trouble you stupid things.