Monday, March 15, 2010

Facing Anxiety Today

My Sunday did not go so well. I felt sad almost all day. I know that hormones for woman can play a part but I don't know if that's why or not. I experience sadness and depression sometimes for no reason and other times it for a reason I feel I have no control over. In August I got my daughter's ears pierced. We were at the mall having her pictures taken and it had been a long day. I don't even know what I was thinking because the thought of her getting them pierced drove me crazy since I am scared mindlessly about contamination and her possibly getting something from it. I wasn't going to let the OCD rule but it sure has ever since that moment. I have been filled with fear and anxiety over the possibility of  hiv/aids from piercing. I have been told it's highly unlikely but I can't seem to shake this fear. I have always been freaked out about blood and the possibility of hiv/aids. I don't even like writing the word because if I read it or see it, it takes me now to this dreadful place of hopelessness and worry. I also worry because of "me" her earrings are not "exactly" the same on each side since I had them move one of the dots before they pierced it. So, I get better and go along not even thinking about it and then for no particular reason these thoughts come flooding back into my mind and take over. I become depressed and anxious. My doctor has told me to start taking clonazapam when I feel this anxiety. It does seem to help bring down the anxiety but the thoughts always there. He prescribed risperdone to help break up the thoughts more but I decided not to take it because I was afraid of the side effects. I currently take fluvoxomine in the evening. I have taken that since 1998. Living with UNCERTAINTY is so overwhelming.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, I just had to jump in here and say, I am taking risperidone, and it is by far the BEST thing I've found to treat my OCD. I was taking Luvox before, but stopped taking it because my mood swings were horrible on it. When my doc switched me over to risperidone, though I just told him to keep an eye on me for side effects because I too worry about side effects of meds (and then usually talk myself into having them). So my doc just keeps an eye on me and monitors me for anything serious, and I really only know of one side effect (high cholesterol). But seriously, look into it. It might just change your life. It's seriously improved mine.

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