Saturday, July 10, 2010
Oh, Oh, Oh it's OCD!
Here it comes again in full force. It started with a day at the park for a baseball end of season picnic. Everything was nice until they decided to have a game of parents against the kids. One of the boy's dad that was playing took a big flying leap into home base and got some blood gushing wounds. He went and sat on the bench that the boys sat on and had to patch up his bloody mess. He was pouring water on it and throwing the bloody napkins under the bench. I was really hoping he would wash his hands or not play anymore since my son and husband were playing. No, hand washing on his part was involved. He was up to bat and had to touch a couple of the bats before he got up there. The ball will probably get blood on it too or the germs. I'm freakin' just a wee bit. I should be used to it. This is me and what I and alot of you deal with. It's hard. I don't want to be a freak and make my family think I'm a freak. It seems worse as my kids are getting older because it's harder for me to do things to "protect" them without them noticing and thinking I'm a fruitcake. I hate putting them through it. I just can't seem to stop. As I speak there is a sandwich bag wrapped around the door handle of my home so that they won't contaminate it when they come home. My daughter and I left early and someone is giving them a ride home. I couldn't take it anymore. I am going to put some hand sanitizer on them when they get home as much as I don't want to and ask them to wash their hands. It makes me sad to do this. I feel weak. I took a clonazopam when I got home and of course now I am saying to myself why did I take it? I start to freak sometimes from taking it because it might be bad for me. I am so proud of you out there that are doing exposures. I know how hard it is. You are doing great. I do what I can but some things just haven't been able to jump those hurdles especially when it comes to poison and blood.
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Hey, don't feel bad about the hurdles that are still a bit too high for your liking. ;) We all have our moments of strength and weakness! For instance - you faced your fears about the wood flooring! I'd call that a pretty good exposure. :) If not for the right meds, I probably would have freaked at the blood too!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I just have to keep reminding myself that God has promised us he won't give us more than we are able to handle. (And sometimes, I wonder why he thinks I'm so freakin' strong...;D )
Sending hugs your way.
I ask my husband to wash his hands when he comes home. Kids, too. I think it is just good hygiene.
ReplyDeleteFunny thing, as I read these other OCD blogs and I look at people having the same type and level of fear that I do - but about different things - it makes me realize that my OCD is just as irrational as anyone else's. You know what I mean? I think we are all somwhat convinced that the "yeah...but" in our minds means our situation is somehow different. But it isn't. That kind of helps take away OCD's power.