Anxiety is high

I am happy to say that as of a few days ago my anxiety over my eyes is done for now. I still do have an appointment later in the month but I have let my mind stop obsessing over it. I'm so happy about this and felt greatly relieved until other obsessions kicked in. I've just felt more stress lately and it makes my OCD worse for sure. I obsess about one thing and then it moves on to another.
Yesterday my husband had to change our brakes. I don't like it because I've read that brake pads can contain asbestos. I really don't like that he has to use brake fluid. It was challenging to wash his clothes last night and I was only worried about the paint on his shirt from painting the outside of the house. I forgot about the brake fluid. So now I have that to OCD about. I ran and wasted two load of hot water and soap throught the washing machine last night after taking his clothes out. I found two little pieces in his pocket and he said they were from the car. Oh great. I always need to check pockets but I don't. I'm afraid to put my hands in there. I now feel like I need to wash out the dryer with paper towels and soap. I don't feel like this will fully get it cleaned. I have a fear of my children's clothes especially getting contaminated with chemicals. I think this way because I have OCD. Maybe I know this is outrageous but I can't convince myself because I want one hundred percent certainty. I will never get this here in this world. I need to accept it but my OCD sure fights against it. I am dealing with so many chemical obsessions right now. Here I am awake very early and my muscles are tight and I am thinking about stupid things that are of no importance.
I think I need to go and take an ibuprofen and I'll go back to bed for a while and rest before the day begins.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I don't know if I am dealing with this right now with my eyes. I have done this with other things too. The obsession with my eyes has never been this bad or lasted this long though.  I did make an eye appointment but it's not for a few weeks because I want reassurance. I already had an eye appointment a few months ago and I thought about asking the doctor if my eyes were straight but I felt dumb. I don't know if I'll keep the appointment or what. I'm just feeling depressed and ugly right now and I hate feeling that way because it drains my energy and it's all I can focus on and I feel selfish when I'm like this.

Obsessing about my eyes.

Hey everyone.
I just feel like complaining today. I am tired from the clonazapam I took. I started taking some again last week since my anxiety has been extra high. It's just been stressful around here because up until last week for three plus years I've been babysitting my 4 year old nephew. I just couldn't take it anymore. Between having my kids home and him it is so hard. My nephew talks and asks questions non-stop. He makes loud noises. I love him but it's no picnic babysitting especially when I need some quietness in my day to not go insane.

For the last few days I've had a new obsession. It's one that goes on and off but usually doesn't last long. I remember in elementary school being at a lady's house my mom worked with and was friends with. The lady said to me " your eye turns in like mine" I never knew or thought my eye turned in. I thought that was a mean thing to say. She should have said it to my mom if anything. I have been going to the eye doctor since second grade because I needed glasses for an astigmatism. None of the doctors ever said anything to me that my eye turned in. Later when I was in beauty school I got paranoid again because this stupid girl who I was actually friends with once in a while when I was around would look at her other friend and make her eye go inward. I should have asked her why she was doing that but instead I thought my eye must turn in and she is making fun of me. I have thought about asking the eye doctor if it does but then I feel stupid or when I'm there I'm not worrying about it. I have been obsessing at looking at pictures of myself and examing my eyes and asking my husband and children. I already had my eye exam for the year but I feel like I should make another now so I can get an answer. Love all my readers out there. Hope you have a wonderful day and my God bless you.

What is that? Battery acid? Hair color dilemmas.

One of my obsessions is battery acid. I think it's a typical ocd obscession. I do not like handling batteries. I used to do it with no problem but not for a few years now. I would wear gloves to handle them. I have notice something in my microwave for a while but keep forgetting to clean it. I finally did it today. I threw away my bowl of oatmeal this morning because I thought I heard a weird noise and then made up stuff in my mind and didn't want to eat it. I took started to clean the microwave and it was a brown greasy looking stuff. Then I thought is this battery acid or what is it even though I'm pretty sure there is no battery in it. That doesn't stop my ocd from believing there might be. There is a few places that it looks like got corroded and looks like rust. It think "rationally" must be some butter that got melted and overflowed and never cleaned so it sat there and caused that to happen. The "irrational" part of me is that it is something dangerous. I put on my gloves and finish cleaning it. I actually do not have gloves on now as I type which is surprising because I do not like to contaminate my keyboard. I thought about throwing my microwave away but I didn't. I have washed my hands alot though because the gooey stuff did get on my hands.
I did something this week that I haven't done in several years. I painted my toenails. I figured I could handle it on my toes because I would not be cooking with them or putting them in my mouth.
I have been trying to find a method to color my hair without chemicals. I tryed a test patch two times with henna. It didn't get the color I wanted. I want to try my whole head but I'm scared. I'm afraid it will do something to me or interact with my anti-depressant (luvox). I have colored my hair with regular chemical hair color but I can't do it now. I am too afraid of long term affects of it and of getting it in my eyes. It seems like henna would be the best choice. I don't like that I have to leave it on a couple hours. I have my 20 year highschool reunion this Saturday. I wanted to cover my grays. I also am going back to school this fall and would like to cover my grays. I didn't care as much until now because I'm a stay-at-home mom so it's just trips to the store, school, sports and so on.