Monday, March 26, 2012
Insecure and just can't focus
I know that with OCD can come other things like depression and ADHD, etc. I know do experience depression but I have also been wondering if I experience ADHD too. It is so hard for me to focus on a task. I get so many ideas of things I want to do and I get excited about it and then I never start or I barely give it a chance and I give up. I have been like this my whole life. The only thing I feel I am semi-good at is being a mom. I am passionate about my children as most mothers are. When it comes to anything else than it just doesn't happen. I have had dreams about making candles and I actually did make them but after the kit was used then that was it. I make excuses for everything and it makes me mad. I have had dreams about selling things on ebay and making money, making other things and selling them and making money. Dreams of having a nice garden, but something always gets in the way. I went shopping for some clothes this weekend and I always seem to come home empty handed. I can't find anything that looks good on me or it's too expensive. Then after thinking about doing these things and then finding reasons why I can't do them I get really tired and just want to crawl into a little ball and hide. I did something out of the ordinary and I signed up to take a class at the community college. It starts next week. It is just an online class but I had to take several steps to get there. I don't even trust myself at following through on things. That's not cool. I was going to post some things on ebay today and when I got home I noticed all the clothes are wrinkled and it's just going to be so much work and I probably won't even sell anything. I hate being so hard on myself and feeling like I'm not worthy of having success. I just don't know how to get over this mind set. I want to be successful and I belive I am worth it but I just don't know how to do it.
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I agree with you about not knowing how to change inside so that I feel worthy of good things. I know it technically in my head, but the followthrough in my heart? Maybe someday?
ReplyDeleteMy Grandma is the sort of craft person that tries things and then switches to other things. Except that she sticks to things more than I do; I've tatted, crocheted, knitted, painted, made little models, etc. I get bored of them or something. I just figure that I'm the sort of person who dabbles in crafts instead of diving in and staying with it long term. I'm happy if I finish anything! Though it might be nice to finish a few more things...
I hope your online class goes well. I hope you have fun with it.
You sound a lot like my son, and I wouldn't be too hard on yourself......I know for him, he always has SO many ideas of what he wants to do that it becomes overwhelming and like you said, nothing gets done. But I love that he has all these ideas! He has learned how to manage this somewhat through therapy by doing things as simple as making lists of what he will tend to on a particular day. I know "organized" learning is helpful to him also (he's a senior in college now) so I hope that online course goes well for you. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the procrastination/avoidance. I am struggling with that now. I'm in cognitive behavioral therapy, and I've learned that depression can cause avoidance, but OCD can feed it too. I avoid things that I have OCD issues with that I know will cause anxiety. So I am working on facing the anxiety now.
ReplyDeleteMy therapist also told me something that has been very helpful for me: Motivation is not a feeling you have; it's action you take. He said I can't wait to feel like doing something, or to feel motivated. The motivation will come after I act, after I put one foot in front of the other and do something. That is easier said than done! But I'm working on it.
Good luck on your class! And hang in there! :-)
This book might interest you:
ReplyDeleteRefuse to Choose by Barbara Sher. The following is the book's info as posted on goodreads.com.
Refuse to Choose!: Use All of Your Interests, Passions, and Hobbies to Create the Life and Career of Your Dreams
Don't know what to do with your life? Drawn to so many things that you can't choose just one? New York Times best-selling author Barbara Sher has the answer--do EVERYTHING!
Barbara Sher has become famous for her extraordinary ability to help people define and achieve their goals. What Sher has discovered is that some individuals simply cannot, and should not, decide on a single path; they are genetically wired to pursue many areas. Sher calls them "Scanners"--people whose unique type of mind does not zero in on a single interest but rather scans the horizon, eager to explore everything they see.
In this groundbreaking book, readers will learn:
• what's behind their "hit and run" obsessions
• when (and how) to finish what they start
• how to do everything they love
• what type of Scanner they are (and which tools they need to do their very best work)(less)
If this book sounds like something you might be interested in check yr library.
Happy Mother's Day.