Jittery, out of sorts, noise sensitivity

I always have a sensitivity to noises like extreme compared to most people. I think it has something to do with OCD. Today has just been one of those days I woke up and I am moody and just don't feel quite right which to a degree I'm used to. I  have felt like this lots but it's just one of those days. I dislike feeling this way. To top it off I'm again feeling the anxiety about the stupid antifreeze. I went outside and saw my husband pouring water out in the flowerbed from a two liter pepsi bottle. I thought he must have added antifreeze to his car because no one knows how the pepsi bottle got in the garage filled with water. He says he did not put antifreeze in his car but I know he wouldn't say he did because I'd have an OCD meltdown. I'm having one anyway. Now, I don't want to go out to the garage for a while. I'll have to put a stupid rubber glove on the door handle just to go out to the garage to put some recycling out there. Nice. I'm just in the middle of an OCD moment. That sounds like it should be a song.

Fear will knock you down

I have a problem and the problem is obviously OCD but I am afraid. I am very afraid. I live a life full of fear. I am a believer of the almighty God and he tells me DO NOT FEAR but I do. My life is getting scarier by the day. I am allowing it to happen. I am starting to think the ERP might be helpful. I was to afraid to think about it or contemplate it before. It's just always something getting in the way of me living a normal life. I found this job that sounds perfect for me but I'm afraid to apply because it's in a house that was built in the 1890's and that probably means asbestos somewhere. This morning I went outside and I had stupidly parked my husband's car in the driveway since he used mine to go out of town this weekend. Now, there is a wet circle of antifreeze? I don't know what it is but I don't like it. It probably is antifreeze since it was leaking it before but my husband had said it wasn't leaking anymore so I parked it in the driveway. Now I have that to deal with. I'm just a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I always sound like a wreak on here but that's because this is my place for that. My venting place. I try to hide this from other people except my husband and parents which I try but can't seem to. I'm afraid to live. I want to live and have a fun life. My life is not much fun these days. Yes, I have happy moments but I have alot of wasted time and worry in my life because of OCD. Again, this is not a place to feel sorry for me because that's not my reason for writing. Support is always good. I am trying to make and effort to comment on your blogs because I know you need support too but OCD stops me from that alot too.

Movie and needle anxiety

 Today I took my daughter to see a movie. Well of course a fear happens. She was kneeling on the edge of the chair while we were trying to decide where to sit and she said something poked her. Supposedly this is an "urban legend" but I remember hearing about people putting hiv infected needles in movie theatre chairs. I felt around there and felt something kind of poky but I really don't know. I was looking doing my "research" to try and console myself but I still have that icky feeling of not knowing. I looked on a website I think it's called the body. It's all about hiv and a doctor gives lots of info who is actually infected by hiv from a patient during a procedure he was doing.  It's just like WHY? WHY ? I want to swear and I don't swear.

I had to take my car the the auto shop today. Not something I was looking forward to. I talked about how my husband was going to work on my brakes but he said he didn't want to deal with it if it was going to bother me so much. I had some other stuff going on with it and I needed an oil change too. I don't like taking it there because I am afraid they may have gotton chemicals on my steering wheel, keys, etc. I cleaned it off and wore some rubber gloves on my way home. I had a new key chain I used because I just recently found it laying around in my house and when I wiped it off after the mechanics it had some dirt on it. I don't know what it was. Does anyone else have such issues with chemicals as I do. I know I remember a fellow blogger saying they had issues with taking their car to the mechanics. I was just wondering because it seems like alot of you don't have issues with chemicals. I know a few of you do. It makes everyday life quite difficult. What do you do to feel safe? I just don't know.

Some good and then some more issues coming soon

I have been doing pretty good lately.  I bought my candle making kit and I have made candles. I even  made some today. The scent fills my whole garage and stays there for quite a while which most people would like but of course I want fresh air. I am proud of myself for following through with a dream I had and not freaking out about it. My goal is to sell candles on etsy and our town's farmers market. They have actually tu rned out pretty nice. It makes me excited that I can do something creative and for myself.
This weekend we got our Christmas tree. We go to a farm and cut it ourselves. I was really not looking forward to it because all our Christmas decorations were near where the antifreeze was living. I wanted to get all new decorations but I knew that wasn't possible. I brought the boxes in and put the lights on the tree. I let my daughter put the ornaments on since she wanted too. I didn't freak out. I still don't want to use the stockings though but we shall see what becomes of that.
I even went into a Goodwill store and looked around the other day which I do not like used stuff because I don't know where it's been or what it's been used for or whatever. It smells weird in there too. Anyway, me and my daughter were laughing so hard in there looking at some of the silly knick knacks.
I had to try to control my laughter because I thought people might wonder if I was drunk which I don't drink so I couldn't have been. I touched a few things too and thought that's a bit of an exposure.
Now, tomorrow I'm dreading because my husband changes our brakes himself. It saves us a bunch money. Well, I used to not like it because the brake pads contain asbestos but now I learned he uses brake fluid too. I never made the connection and asked why he had brake fluid in the garage. Last time he changed the brakes he brought different clothes to wear just for me and left them at his mom's and she said she would wash them at her house which was nice. Now that the brake fluid is in the mix it really makes my OCD flair up. Then the thought of him touching stuff and my steering wheel afterward and coming home and touching stuff because his hands might be contaminated. I'd rather pay almost $300.00 to have a place do it instead of $50.00 but then I wonder if they get any on their hands and touch my steering wheel or keys.  It's just so unpleasant. I have already been to Les Schwab two times last week. I had to get a new car battery and then my husband said my back tire looked low so I took it there to get my tires checked and rotated. I had a nail in my tire and then they informed me about my brakes. My car is also making a loud sound that I think is a fan belt so I'll have to see about that too.
I really just want things to be easy. I get worn down with all of this. It's just always something. The ebbs and flows of life and the many more irrational struggles with OCD.