BANDAIDS- Oh how I hate thee.

Yes, really, another run in with bandaids this morning as I was getting my groceries rung up at the store. I think the cashier had a couple on each hand. I didn't throw my groceries away today but I had to clean off the outsides of the containers with soap and some things that were in boxes I took out and put into another bag. It sucks. My fear is a fear of getting AIDS. This is a real fear that people with OCD live with. It is so real to me that it feels like this itch that won't go away and leave me alone. Right now I feel very uncomfortable. I could feel comfortable if I threw my groceries away. I can't always do that because we are a one income family and money is very scarce right now. I would feel bad about doing that and I know it's not rational. I try to rationalize by thinking hmm...how many other people have touched this before it got to this store and after? How many people have touched my produce with their grubby hands before I touched it? I'm sure it's alot of people, and I'm sure I'd be OCDing out of control if I knew. I just try to make myself feel better about the current situation but, I guess I have eaten groceries all my life and I think I'm okay. I get so mad and just want to pound my fist because I hate feeling this way. It is an awful feeling when you think you could harm your family by bring contaminated food into the house. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Again, these posts are not to make anyone feel sorry for me. It's my way of helping release what is going on in this mind of mine.

Camping in the rain

I just got home from camping today. It was a weekend at the beach in the rain. It was okay but I came home today and was very cranky. I don't like feeling that way. It's always good to get home. Now I have lots of laundry to do and stuff to put away. I had to give the dog a bath as she was a very dirty dog.
I had a few OCD contamination issues to deal with. One day we were taking a walk to the beach and at the beginning of the trail was a big bandaid. Oh, how they know how to find me. The next day we were taking a walk and my mother-in-law was looking at mushrooms and taking pictures of them. My father-in-law was moving stuff off of mushrooms to look at them. On our way back I ran into a patch of mushrooms and I don't know if I stepped on any. I don't like wild mushrooms because they are poisonous.  I waste so many shoes. That got me into my OCD mode. Oh ya not to forget that a racoon got into our cooler at night and ate a bunch of stuff. We haven't had an animal get into our cooler before. Whoa is me.

Howie Mandel's Lifetime Struggle

Chemicals make me anxious

It's like being poked and prodded and never giving up. Chemicals are brought into my world even though I don't want them to be there. I ask for them not to enter my home but sometimes they do. Antifreeze has been lurking in my garage and it wakes me up and it bothers me. I crack my garage to let in fresh air even though I can't smell it. I fear it entering in my home through vapors getting sucked through my furnace. Oh, how it loves to torture me. I get mad wondering why this had to be brought here but it entered because other people do not think the same way I do. They can't. I can explain my reasons and they can get a small grasp but it's not in the same way as me. My mind works differently, yes indeed. I know God created me in his image and he made me just how he wanted me to be. I have to embrace that even though sometimes it's hard and I may not understand. I know I am fortunate for what I have been given.