Going through the motions is how I feel alot.
I have such a hard time staying focused on anything I am doing. I am a stay-at-home mom to my beautiful and wonderful children. I have been home now for 8 years. I have worked before that pretty much full time since I was 16 and earlier than that babysitting. I know I have symptoms of depression and of social anxiety. What really bothers me is feeling out of control. I feel tired alot and hopeless. I really don't look forward to anything which is very sad. I try to enjoy my life but I get stressed out and I find myself being angrier than I've felt before. I get irritated easily. I just feel like a blob. I don't really know how to explain it. It's like I try to do something and then I just don't do it. I don't have motivation. I have been trying to find out about getting a job as a substitute school cook so I can work the same as school hours but I haven't been able to get ahold of the person who does the hiring. So, the way my mind works is I start to think of reasons why I shouldn't work and I start to change my mind. I really want to make candles and have wanted to for a while but it's like I can't get started it's like I am literally stuck. I find a reason or excuse for everything. I feel like someone is sitting on me holding me back. Another thing I'm wondering about is if anyone else with OCD experiences sensitivity to noise or patterns of noise. It starts to make me crazy if I hear the same phrase repeated over and over or noises sound alot louder and more bothersome to me than to other people. My head starts to spin is how I explain it. I also have noticed this year and I don't think it's from my burt's bee lip shine, is some days more than not my tongue has this weird tingling sensation and it almost drives me nuts. I asked my internal medicine doctor about it but she didn't know. I asked my head doctor if it could be caused by my fluvoxomine and he said it could but I still am not sure. Some days it makes me feel like I want to rip my tongue out it's that bothersome. The sun is shining here today and I am still feeling that depression setting in. I just don't know what to do to make myself feel happy. I want to feel happy again.
I have such a hard time staying focused on anything I am doing. I am a stay-at-home mom to my beautiful and wonderful children. I have been home now for 8 years. I have worked before that pretty much full time since I was 16 and earlier than that babysitting. I know I have symptoms of depression and of social anxiety. What really bothers me is feeling out of control. I feel tired alot and hopeless. I really don't look forward to anything which is very sad. I try to enjoy my life but I get stressed out and I find myself being angrier than I've felt before. I get irritated easily. I just feel like a blob. I don't really know how to explain it. It's like I try to do something and then I just don't do it. I don't have motivation. I have been trying to find out about getting a job as a substitute school cook so I can work the same as school hours but I haven't been able to get ahold of the person who does the hiring. So, the way my mind works is I start to think of reasons why I shouldn't work and I start to change my mind. I really want to make candles and have wanted to for a while but it's like I can't get started it's like I am literally stuck. I find a reason or excuse for everything. I feel like someone is sitting on me holding me back. Another thing I'm wondering about is if anyone else with OCD experiences sensitivity to noise or patterns of noise. It starts to make me crazy if I hear the same phrase repeated over and over or noises sound alot louder and more bothersome to me than to other people. My head starts to spin is how I explain it. I also have noticed this year and I don't think it's from my burt's bee lip shine, is some days more than not my tongue has this weird tingling sensation and it almost drives me nuts. I asked my internal medicine doctor about it but she didn't know. I asked my head doctor if it could be caused by my fluvoxomine and he said it could but I still am not sure. Some days it makes me feel like I want to rip my tongue out it's that bothersome. The sun is shining here today and I am still feeling that depression setting in. I just don't know what to do to make myself feel happy. I want to feel happy again.
I have so been there. Except for the tongue tingling...I have no idea what would cause that....but it sounds like classic depression to me. When I'm in a funk like that, I have to A. blare upbeat, fun music B. Pray for help C. drink some caffeine and D. get out in the sunshine. If I don't do all of those, I can be depressed for what feels like forever. But good luck! Hope you get out of your funk soon!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you are feeling, some days are so hard. I too get motivated to do things and my OCD comes up with reasons why it's bad, then this particular thing is centered around anxiety. Happens often, but I have noticed that if I follow through with that particular thing, it seems to be ok in the long run, even if it causes anxiety while doing it.
ReplyDeleteMy symptoms of anxiety and panic and OCD are similar to yours... I get crazy groggy and my head kills me. All of my energy seems to be centered in my freaking head so by the end of the day I am utterly mentally exhausted! I am trying not to beat myself up over these days, but to just be hopeful that every day is different and the feeling never lasts.
I hope you regain some of your happiness soon. Just know, this feeling does not last forever, we are blessed, and there is always tomorrow.
-Lolly