Hi, I haven't posted on here for a while. I had been reading over some previous comments and they were so kind and helpful. I feel like I have become stronger, but I still have OCD. Of course, it will always be with me. I know that, but I try my best to not let it run my life. In 2018 I graduated with a bachelors degree in elementary education. I have been teaching fourth grade for 3 years at a private school. I love it. I face OCD challenges every day, but when I am teaching I have to keep going. I can't stop because of a contamination issue. Contamination is still my number one issue I experience with OCD. Blood tops the list.
Blood plays a huge part of my every day, besides keeping me here. I know it's beneficial. OCD contamination issues with blood isn't fun or helpful. My eyes are always looking for things that might be contaminated with blood. Even if it's not blood, if it has any sort of reddish tint to it, it must be blood. It's difficult to buy things sometimes. I am fine for the most part with buying groceries, but sometimes I have picked up an item that looks like it has blood on it. It might be a smudge from the red ink that's already on the package, but it could be blood. It really is hindering and exhausting.
I have been obsessing about the mail since last Saturday. I got the mail and there were two packages from the pharmacy that had a random line on them with the same color. One was a short line, and the other longer and randomly placed. They were a blood color. The only reason I don't think it was really blood was because I don't think it would be in a contained line like a pen would be. Still, my mind takes caution and will believe that it was blood. Anyway, I was expecting an order of contact lenses. I thought they were supposed to be here a few days ago and I went outside to do yard work so I could get them before they went in the mailbox. It was supposed to be 100 degrees that day and I told the mail carrier I didn't want them in sitting in the mailbox. They actually didn't come until a few days later. She said she would bring them to my door. I had received notification that they would arrive today. I wasted about an hour or more standing in my garage waiting for the mail carrier. I finally went inside and when she came, I hurried outside. She was bringing them to the door which was kind of her. I told her I didn't know why I was obsessing about this package. I did know, but I wasn't going to tell her why because she would probably think I was crazy and it wouldn't make any difference. I don't even want to sanitize my mailbox, because I'm afraid to reach my arm in there and if I think something had blood on it, I don't want to get any liquid on it. My OCD says it might activate anything in the dried blood that isn't even on the mailbox. OCD is so creative.
