Living with constant FEAR

I really try to tell and remind and pray that I can surrender to God and not give into fear. God tells me to FEAR NOT. I need to listen to him.

I sit here with henna on my hair. I am a little anxious. In previous entries I have written how I have issues with hair color and this is the option I have chosen for now. If I didn't have OCD I'd probably have a box of chemical color on my hair. I have used that before but have become afraid of using it. I still am afraid a little of this henna because I don't know 100 percent if it is safe or what's in it. They say it's safe and natural but there's always that chance. I am a bit sarcastic with my OCD sometimes. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm being overly concerned. I worry I could have an allergic reaction to it or that all the ingredients aren't as they say and there is something in there that might be bad for me. I have left it on longer than last time though. I've had it on for almost half an hour. Last time I washed it out almost right after I applied it. I'm doing it little by little. I am getting some courage. I know how to make it so complicated too. I with my OCD "can't" put the henna on my hair in the evening or the weekend in case something happens and I have a reaction. I know that doctors are available in the evening and weekend but I feel more comfortable doing it in the morning. Yes, realistically I know this is all unrealistic thinking. With OCD we can make that difference. We know it's unrealistic but yet we give into the fear. We just do our best with what we got. "We Shall Overcome!" I had a quote like that in highschool posted in my room and it's by Martin Luther King. I like it. Now, I shall be going to wash out my henna and make a complete mess of the bathroom. The henna dries and crumbles everywhere. It smells very earthy and it's green. I know such a pretty description. I know it's hard to believe a person with OCD would choose to use this. Have a wonderful day! FEAR NOT!

Note to myself about Clonazapam and ibuprofen

Just want to write this so I don't have to call a pharmacist to check again. It is okay to take an ibuprofen if I have taken a clonazapam. Even though I called last week to check and then today. I need to write it down so I remember and believe it. I have started taking my clonazapam once most mornings again. I quit taking them for several months and seemed fine. It sure does help with my anxiety. I started taking them again because I was feeling like I was hyperventilating when I was breathing and couldn't get it normalized on my own, even with deep breathing. I was under alot of stress yesterday as of wrapping up a week long camping trip and my heart was beating irregularly as it does if I am stressing. I didn't go to sleep until 1:00 a.m. and woke up at 4:30 a.m. I have had a headache and lots of muscle tension the past few days. I just took an ibuprofen and hope that helps. Being a mom and wife can be stressful. The pressure I feel sometimes is overwhelming especially when we have all been together all summer and then a week of camping. I am also trying to cope with all the negativity that a family member displays on a daily basis. It's very hard when I am a glass half full person and he is a glass half empty person.