Shoe rack and Hair color

I keep trying to find a solution for organizing the mess of shoes by our front entryway. I finally bought a  storage rack for them but yes there was a problem. I thought I'd be fine with it but it got the best of me. I don't like pressed wood products because they contain formaldyhyde. I probably didn't spell that right. So, new things smell new and the reason is because of the VOC's or off gassing of CHEMICALS. I used to like it when things smelled new. So, we all had our shoes in there the other night and I had to get out of bed to take them out and go put the cabinet in the garage. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. I'd take it back but my husband had to put it together and part of it he had to use nails. He said I'd have to take it apart it I was going to take it back. I probably could talk him into it, but I also hate taking things back to the store. I'm trying not to think about it because after all it is just a stupid shoe rack.

Now, for the hair color. I used to color my hair every so often to cover the few grays I had. I now have alot more grays in the front of my hair that I want to cover up because they stick out and don't look good. I have gotten more scared the past few times I've colored my hair about getting in it my eyes when I rinse it out. I was going to do it today. I was all ready and then I just couldn't do it because I didn't want to feel the discomfort. I haven't gotten any in my eyes before but the water runs on my face by my eyes and then I am sure I must have got some in there and I'm really afraid I'll go blind. So, now it's another step back in my life of things I can't do. I went to see my doctor who prescribes my medications last week. I told him my husband thinks I am worse now than ever. The doctor thinks I seem to be doing okay. I was taking clonazopam up to twice a day as needed. I told him I do much better if I do take one in the morning and then usually don't have to take another that day. He told me just to start taking one every morning and then one later in the day if I need to. I told him I am afraid to take too many because I don't want to damage my liver. He said my dosage is so low that it should be fine. He does like to get blood work done yearly though so he said I could go ahead and get that done and my cholesterol. I told him I have been blogging about my ocd and he thought that was great and that I was meeting others who had ocd like me so I don't feel like I'm the only person who is like this.

I don't have cable, but I found the episodes of the OCD Project that a few of you have mentioned. I am excited to watch. I watched the first episode the other day. I am hopeful to learn some things.

I want to be free from you OCD

Anxiety stays with me wherever I am. I wake up with anxiety and I often go to bed with it even when I have no reason to be anxious. There's always that feeling of uncertainty that I just can't seem to grasp. I so believe that I am not supposed to worry or be uncertain yet I can not let go. I want to be free from this grip that OCD has on me. I want to live my life and not be a prisoner. I am sick of it. I try to be thankful because I know I am like this for a reason but it sure seems like I miss out on alot and cause alot of turmoil because of this condition. I want to touch and do without even thinking about what I'm touching or what I'm doing because it might be dirty or dangerous. I am not in control and I never will be no matter what I do to try to CONTROL. No, it's not me who can do it. It's amazing how I think I am so powerful. I listen to the constant  whispers and lies that OCD  tells me. It says if I listen then nothing bad will happen. I know this is a lie but can I truly believe it in the trials and tribulations of my life? Can I ever truly LET GO and LET GOD. OCD please let me be and let me live my life. I want to be free. I want to be free so my family can be free. My OCD does not just affect me but my family lives with it everyday. It's not fair to them. I grieve for the frustrations and crazy things I do to my family. I really feel burdened by the way I affect them. Afterall it is not all about ME.